Writing fiction in the second person often doesn't work well unless in experimental stories, because it's often postmodern in nature. If this is an epistolary write-up, this would be quite decent. The thought and the emotion within this write-up is indeed undeniable, and I can most certainly feel this because I just recently broke my heart as well. I think you could do better with your grammar, although it's a minor gripe.

Keep on writing! And if you have time, do review my one-shot, Quiz Bowl. Thanks. :)