Lauren the Loo, I've already said this before, but you're crazy. :D
I love this story anyways. I seem to like insane and depressing stories.

"I leaped onto leaped on top of it and..."

I think that may be a little mess up. :D

Overall it was pretty good.

It seemed like the main character went a little crazy during the end.

Well, I dare...and I greatly enjoy.

It's interesting because it's difficult to tell whether the narrator is insane or not. Was there really a beast? The tone certainly implies the possibility.

In short: Cool story, bro. Go write another.

The introduction was great, and was surprisingly interesting. Line after line, the topic of interest flowed pretty smoothly, leaving a rather good sink line. The use of tragic irony was also impressive and the plot was very creative.

HOWEVER... I noticed a few grammar errors, but it's fine since you published it immediately. Also, another problem was the switch of Present Tense and Past Tense. I'm sure you might've made a mistake like that in your other works. It is really tempting to switch between tenses, but you shouldn't. Continue to stick the story with past tense.

Other than that I can't see any other problems after a first glance, it was a really good piece. I kept thinking about that movie "Jennifer's Body" as I read this, the scary IT inside Jenni o.o

COOL BEANS! :D

HE/SHE'S SUCH A GOOD FRIEND! too bad the police cant see that... :(

stupid creature... NICE JOB DUDE! KILL THAT MONSTER YEAH! :D

THANKS FOR THE NICE LITTLE STORY! I APPRECIATE IT! X)

You have painted a rough, but decent sketch for someone breaking down and becoming insane. Given the shortness, however, wouldn't it have been better to focus on the one becoming insane rather than the friend who was merely a spectator in all this? This is just a suggestion, however - I'm not even a good writer, after all.

Keep on writing, because we'll both get better later on. If you have time, please review The Quiz Bowl. I think I have the same problems with you regarding the focus of the story, but we'll improve with time. :)