i love the story so far! the way you have written it is really good and i hope you update soon so we can see the circumstances of the murder in new zealand!

Is this a year before the last chapter. Just wondering. Otherwise great. I'm from NZ as well so I don't know if you make grammar mistakes.

Nice, diffrent plot this time. Love it how someone is already dead. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

This is really good - not a failed attempt! Some pieces of description are really good, my personal favourite being "The skin bursts like the walls of dam..."

There are some minor typos, like letters missing off the end of words. Also, in this sentence "my jaw barely moving the sound almost a breath..." there should be a comma after 'moving'.

Altogether a great start though and a lovley cliff-hanger! Keep going )