|Reviews for Limerence|
| DayDreamz 1/16/12 . chapter 3
Hey it's me, for some reason I can't post on the forum thread right now. :( btw finished it!
Anyway, I really like how the characters think, it feels very real. The only character who feels slightly unreal is their mutual friend, (whose name I am blanking on, sorry) but I think that she is needed to drive the story forward and the friends together.
All in all I thought it was very well written, and I am (impatiently) awaiting the next chapter. :)
| Sparkly Emerald 11/23/11 . chapter 2
This is a very nice story. I enjoyed what you've written so far. The characters are very likable and relateable. I found myself smiling alot as I read this. I can't wait to see where this is gonna end up!
| Who Is This Girl Anyway 10/23/11 . chapter 1
Here's your first review. Going to make it thorough to make up for it taking forever. :D
I looked up the meaning of your title: “An involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.” (Thank you, Wikipedia.) This is quite a nice title, I think. It sums up Joi nicely.
I think it might be nice to vary your sentence structure a little. For example, the sentence “I wandered silently across the room and looked out the window.” can be said a few different ways, such as:
“Silently, I wandered across the room and looked out the window.”
“I wandered across the room silently. Then, I looked out the window.”
“Wandering across the room silently, I looked out the window.”
This is a bit nitpicking, but it helps the prose to flow a little better.
I like the fact that you've made Aila average- actually average, not thinks-she's-average-but-actually-gorgeous. It makes her more relatable.
“In contrast to Aila, he was an unusually bright and mellow guy, consistently holding a gentle smile.” This sums up Joi very well, making it a good description. The reader immediately gets a taste of his personality.
I love the humour in this chapter. It really livens up the narrative, and it's so different to the random humour people throw out that makes no sense and is devoid of all wit(Family Guy, I'm looking at you.)
The story at the end is a nice touch because it seems very like Joi to deal with things like that- he never wants to inconvenience anyone with his problems. He comes off as a very nice guy.
Looking forward to reading the rest!