|Reviews for The Divergence|
| Shay Nankivell 5/18/13 . chapter 1
Just reading the first chapter has drawn me in. Brilliant work, can't wait to read more.
Also, please check out my sci-fi, Dimension :)
| Kenna-Kat11 2/25/13 . chapter 1
Wow, this seems really interesting so far. It's futuristic but sounds almost realistic in a strange way. I really like it, and your writing it very good! It was kind of odd the way Niko thought about having children but in a way that fits the story which was great on your part. I'd love to see where this goes. Happy Writing!
| Dreamers-Requiem 2/17/13 . chapter 4
I'm really liking this, and like I said before, I like how the way you show how torn she is entering into this whole situation. However, saying that, I think you could build on it a bit more; a lot of this felt a little too dialogue heavy, so maybe you could throw in some description, expand a bit on what she's feeling as she's talking to them and not just after. You could really build on her conflicted feelings, too, to throw in some tension and make the reader really question what she is going to do. The one other thing I'd say, watch out for sentences where you maybe use a word that doesn't need to be there, where the sentence would make sense without the word. So, for example, [She didn't like the places where her mind was going.] you could cut out the 'where' there, and it strengthens the sentence as a whole as it gets rid of a redundant word. Hope that helps, and I'll be back to read the next chapter soon as I can.
| Ed Harley 1/5/13 . chapter 10
This continues to be interesting and tense; excellent description of the ship- and the correct use of centripetal even. Made me wonder which sort of society would survive deep space isolation.
| Guest 1/4/13 . chapter 10
Love it! Please keep it coming. :)
| Pavati Angeni 12/29/12 . chapter 8
The concept is well thought out, and I like the minimalistic writing that is slowly expanding out into something more human sounding.
As a person who writes out their worlds, I am familiar with a syndrome I like to call whycan'tyoureadmymind-itis. You do a very good job of not falling into that trap most of the time, but you just kind of flashed by the description of the entire ship in the course of a paragraph during the test. The only real image I've gotten of the ship thus far is the one window and the trees. While something barren is implied I would like to see that a little more. (I hate to sound like my english teacher, but "show don't tell")
Your characters are very clever, I like the overenthusiastic Isaac with his ideals. That's a hard character to pull off and not have it be cheesy, I applaud you for it.
| Ed Harley 12/27/12 . chapter 2
I thought it was excellent way to build up a mystery. I have some relatives I seriously want to send to F-ring.
| Ed Harley 12/27/12 . chapter 1
A great start, a terrific setup for the next chapter, simple direct style, really sharp! You got me curious about this Niko and her world.
| anon 11/12/12 . chapter 1
interesting, hope you continue to update.
| Felrain 11/12/12 . chapter 1
Interesting story, very well written!
| Dreamers-Requiem 1/9/12 . chapter 3
I really like how Niko doesn't immediatly go for Jay/Issac's thinking; the way she reacts is done in a very realistic way, but I like how there's this small part of her that is curious and questioning, that does wonder about her mother, and overall I think you've created some very natural characters. Even if the end of the chapter had me thinking, "Oh, Niko, just help him!" But with a situation like this, I think she would be hesitant but curious and you reflect that really well. I'm still wondering about the names; like, do they use names as adults? If not, why are they given names? Not issues that should be covered by now, as it's still early in the story, but it's a strong sign of a good story when it makes a reader really wonder about this world, especially if they're wondering about the same things as the characters. Awesome stuff, I hope to see an update soon!
| Dreamers-Requiem 1/3/12 . chapter 2
Very interesting; I like the way you're showing more of life on-board the ship by using the education system to do so. And Jay seems like a really interesting character, one that, I suppose, has been questioning the system they live in for a while and is hopefully going to encourage the children to do the same. And now I'm wondering, more than ever, why they can't use their first names. I like his point about talking being a right on Earth, and the way you use Earth as a comparison is handled quite well. I can't wait to see what happens when the eyes of these kids are opened up. Great chapter.
| Dreamers-Requiem 12/20/11 . chapter 1
Really interesting start, and I like how you managed to describe life on the ship - although it was a lot of information, it never felt like an info-dump. Instead, it flowed quite smoothly with the prose itself. Part of me is interested to know why they have both names and numbers; in situations like this, I'd kind of think they'd have one or another? Or is it that the official people refer to them by numbers but everyone else uses names? ["It appears that I am very unwell today,"] feels odd, maybe because it's a thought but it's in dialogue. But it's also a but telling, rather than showing. I think you manage to show us she's unwell before that, so maybe it's not needed? Like I said, it's a really interesting start and I'll be back to read more soon.
| Raha 11/2/11 . chapter 1
Cool concept, and I love your writing style. Very crisp. I'd hate being on that ship, I'm deathly afraid of catching babies. I hope you continue with this.