|Reviews for The Red Warrior|
| Guest 2/6/13 . chapter 4
I'm looking forward to the update!
Even though Nicolasa is easily scared, she seems cute. Maybe she'll get more confidence after awhile :D Anyway, I like your story!
| MissLjones 1/27/13 . chapter 4
I like this story more and more! You're really good at writing really long chapters :) I like it!
| MissLjones 1/20/13 . chapter 3
You amazing author! The story is getting better and better :) I'm sorry for late review, btw. I'll read the next chapter soon and give you a review for that one too! I think I know about the names they called each other, you told me during Christmas, didn't you? So I'll not write it in case I spoil something. Good story ;)
| mjinx 12/4/12 . chapter 2
Okay, finally read it until the very end.
You have a really interesting plot and characters. Clara appears to me as the stoic heroine, while Eric gives off the kind charming boy-next-door types. The scene where they were teased in the hospital was kinda cute.
Although the chapter itself was good, you can still improve. The battle scenes, for example, can be drawn out with more descriptions and actions, like how Clara killed the monsters through her swords and the fire balls. There were also a bit of mistakes here and there, which can be corrected by careful proofreading.
Overall, this is a good pilot chapter. I like your characters and I'll see how the plot develops, although it may be initially cliched. But who doesn't want cliches? Anyway, good job! xD
| Benehime 9/18/12 . chapter 3
Long, but a very nice start. I did catch quite a bit of grammatical errors here and there and a couple misspelled/wrong words. But still pretty good!
| Guest 6/29/12 . chapter 2
You're an excellent writer, Kluck! I really like The Red Warrior :D Have you ever been thinking of being a author at fulltime?
| Black-Raven-Kura 6/23/12 . chapter 2
Well MissKluck, I finally got around to reading just like I told you I would! I know that I appreciate a mixture of encouragement and honesty from my reviewers, so with that in mind, my thoughts:
It certainly has potential. The dialogue is great, genuine. But I have a few suggestions; first of all, I'd reconsider the length of your chapter here. I wouldn't shorten it by much, but it is perhaps a little bit long, especially for a first chapter. Opinions on this will vary though, so I wouldn't be too concerned. Second of all perhaps slow down the story a little; allow things to unfold gradually to create intrigue. There's no rush.
Something I like to do is observe people's behaviour, and people-watching gives you a great basis for description too. I used to find it quite difficult to describe more than hair and eye-colour, which doesn't give much to go on; have a look at people. Narrow noses, eyes close together, pinched expressions, height and stature. It gives a bit more to build up an image; and mannerisms of characters helps too. A character who moves gracefully probably is very aware of themselves. Observing people's behaviour too is good; think about how you or people you know would react in this situation. It's been eight years and Carla was only with Eric and his siblings for a few days - her memory might not be so great as to instantly recognise him. He would have even less reason to remember her, because while she would be thankful, he would have probably not thought of her very much. Just little things like that can be helpful to consider.
Like I said, there's great potential for a story here, but those are some pointers I've found helpful over time. Don't rush, and observe people. I'll be back for more though :)
(Author of 'Walking in the Dust').
| MissLjones 6/13/12 . chapter 2
This story is much better than the last one (before you updated it)! Your story is very good and I really enjoy reading it! Looove your story! And, as everybody else who read this story, I look forward to the next chapter! The length of the chapter is perfect ;) Keep writing :D
| Fanimation Danimation 6/11/12 . chapter 2
One time for Miami, WHOOP WHOOP! :) I LOVE action/fantasy anime!
I don't really know how to feel about your main characters though, Carla is so standoffish everything and everyone, including Eric. But, I guess, I'll have to continue with the story to find out why. Also, I found some scenes to be unrealistic.
I'm not ragging on you story, it's just my honest review. I do find this interesting, because like I said, I love action/fantasy anime. So, I'll be sticking around till the end.
| Fanimation Danimation 6/11/12 . chapter 1
A good start so far. Some advice. Use words that make your sentences flow more, as well as using less words. Example, 'A teenage girl came out from the house Eric said was their house'.
Two ways you could have made that sentence flow easier.
'A teenage girl came from out a house, that Eric said was theirs'
Or, if you had an idea what the house looked like, or what type of house it was. You could have mentioned it in the sentence.
'A teenage girl came from out a cabin/beach house, belonging to them'
Then, there are bigger words, or words that means more, that you could use to make your sentences flow even better. Instead of saying, came from out/came out from, you could have used, existed.
My teacher always told me, a smooth story was an attracting story.
Well, hope I helped a little, on to the next chappie.
| MissLjones 5/11/12 . chapter 1
As told before: you're a really good writer! This beginning is the same as the previous, isn't it?
I barely can't wait to read the first chapter :D ...and the next chapters after that!
And now I have updated a picture at my profile ;) Hope you like it (don't know when you can see the picture - after 24 hours?) :D But I don't mind to receive some pictures from you if you have any other suggestions ;)
| MissLjones 5/2/12 . chapter 6
I loooove this story! You are very good at writing so I really look forward to the first chapter - update soon! :D
And I read in the authors note (chapter 7) that you maybe will continue on your other story - The prince of Theivel - so it is much I look forward to read :) I'm so exited!
| SE.blackbird 12/29/11 . chapter 6
WOW! 3 chapters at once :D
Well, first I loved it! and we get to know the persons more, and there are still some questions that you HAVE to answer...
And when they eat pizza, aww..
Also the thing with:
"In the beginning, after God had created man, he gave then unknown powers."
WOW! What an brilliant idea :)
And Carla's powers (specially when she healed her own wound :O) That was awesome..
And Eric talking about himself about ballet..
You have it update soon.. O:)
| SE.blackbird 12/8/11 . chapter 3
The was great, and it ends with a bit of a cliffhanger. But I loved it.. :) well, not the fact that Carla got a sword in her stomach.. but it was really enjoyable to read and the way you're leading the story :)
Can't wait to read what happens next :)
| bububblegum 12/6/11 . chapter 3
OMG! That was the best chapter in the world! But is she a super human? Or is it the sword? Best chapter ever!