|Reviews for Souls Never Lie|
| name redacted 10/28/11 . chapter 2
Again, the introduction to the chapter is telling; Lance is secretly angsty. The back story is helpful in placing the characters. I like that he came from a stable home, which calls attention to the alienation, in that it contrasts with the idea of stability. Also, it feels believable, and isn't overplayed.
His accidental mind reading seems like a useful narratorial device. Also, it could definitely create some awkward moments if he ended up mentioning something that he wasn't supposed to know.
As far as the romantic subplot goes, while it's a strong end to the chapter, wasn't unexpected (only two characters, male and female, paired together. Though it also stands that this is a forgone conclusion, as the story is listed under romance. Just a thought; might be interesting to see him find something in her mind that causes him to fall out of love with her for a little while).
Can't Navia see his soul and understand that he loves her?
The pop-quiz tells a lot about the type of education (though I can't tell why there are twigs in the classroom. Part of the professor's vis?) (Speaking of vis, the integration of the made up words into the story was smooth, and very natural. I'd love to see more on the Sin Vis).
It would be interesting to see where this goes. The story has a lot of potential.
| name redacted 10/28/11 . chapter 1
The chapter seems largely character driven; it quickly establishes the two characters in relation to one another (Navia is relatively high strun, Lance is easy going, a bit lazy, very loyal). The dialogue also showed that they were comfortable with one another (though you may be able to clip the bits about his birthday coming up, if this doesn't become relevant later in the story). I find it particularly telling that Navia introduces herself with her eye color, which seems to say that she defines herself in terms of her abilities, and is self conscious (later, this is pushed to the point of paranoia, which I think could be exploited as a great character flaw).
From the first chapter I would assume that the characters are the primary force behind the action throughout the story; otherwise, while the last line of the chapter is an excellent lead in, if there's an immediate conflict, I'd suggest introducing it in the first chapter to draw readers in.
Also, it might be helpful to readers if you were to establish the setting; I'm not quite sure where any of this is taking place. Navia has an apartment, which places her as a junior or senior in college, given that she's attending classes. Where is she when Lance meets up with her? Who's around/is it crowded? Very secluded? Why are they meeting here, and will this location become important later? Moreover, at one point the location seemed to shift from the cafeteria to Navia's apartment, though I personally found it a bit abrupt, and would recommend some summary narration, or a clarifying transition.
Given the summary, if I am to assume that Navia is at a school surrounded by others with like abilities, why do her eyes attract attention? Is her ability notable, even among the gifted? (I like the idea of her not being able to be lied to)