Choose, not chose.
You have commas at the end of the dialogue sentences. Make them Periods.

Elisha needs more development, Tony's can be kicked back a few notches, unless he will be important later.
I also don't know what Christian looks like/I don't remember.

After the reports, you said twice to, and I believe you meant twice the.

I counted 3 sentences that end with prepositions, that's just a nitpicky thing of mine.

The 1337 Google line is a bit condescending, but you could always put in a footnote :-P

This is really, really good. It reminds me of a show I saw called "I am legend." add more soon!

Very moving, on the edge of my seat. Gotta know whats next!

Hidden-behind-the-stars: I can't log in but I absolutely love how you write. I must say, the beginning was confusing but it's so good!

I keep telling my American friends that all that caffeine is terrible and uncivilized. I like this. It's like zombies on sugar rush. I wonder what would have happened if the problem formula had issued from a new Starbucks recipe... It would have been much farther spread, considering your people's love affair with coffee...