i envy your seeming ability to rhyme so easily! :D

i like the imagery a lot. You need to keep writing, you're good.

also, a bit of constructive criticism: do you mean not to put periods in your poem? Because you can still punctuate a poem, and break the lines in the same places you already do. Because without any periods or commas, if this was read out loud, a person wouldn't be able to take a breath until they finished it. .