|Reviews for Princess Lee En|
| Telephonic 11/29/11 . chapter 3
First off you have some issues with tense. When you choose a tense such as past tense: "He was eating cereal." make sure that you don't switch to present tense: "But then he drops his spoon."
So the correct tenses would either be "He was eating cereal but then he dropped his spoon." Or "He is eating cereal but then he drops his spoon." Once you choose a tense for one sentence all the rest of the sentences should be in that tense as well. There are very special circumstances where you might get around it but having it change randomly just looks sloppy.
Also, in almost every instance that you used the word women it should have been woman. Women is plural, Woman is singular. Many women, one woman.
I was a little disturbed by this line: "..Ace loves girls so keep your guard up around him. If he tries to make a pass at you, do not sue us for sexual harassment, you have been warned."
Being warned doesn't actually excuse sexual harassment! But I know this story isn't meant to be realistic and that the lady who said it has already displayed her full on crazy, so I deleted my rant but honestly! xD
I think you have a good pace to your story, and fun characters to work with. At a guess I would say you're an anime fan so if that's what you're going for you did it well. I hope you find this helpful! Good job and keep writing!