This chapter was perfect! I just wanted to say, that even if you had no emotional attatchment to Jessica whatsoever just reading Bonnie's part was enough to reduce some people to tears. I really, really liked this one chapter and maybe the only thing I have to say is that you said 'grapping' instead of 'grabbing'at the beginning. Always reread your chapters

I'd firstly like to say that you're style of writing is simply spectacular. You're an amazing author with just fantastic ideas. Having said tha though, I'm a bit of a negative person and I highly apreciate constructive critisism and would like to say a few things you could improve on.

I would have loved to see things drag out a little bit longer, especially in the first half of the story. I kind of feel like you moved past everything pretty quickly, and there were a few things that you could have elaberated on.

I think some character building would have been nice too. You kind of labled John as evil with a slight soft side, but you constantly change him. Jessica's fiery and that's it, Bonnie's preppy and that's it, and Kai's just whoever you want him to be in the moment.

I would like if there was some relationship building too. I see how this story would be difficult, especially considering Ayra and Kai's relationship was preformed, and the same goes for Ayra and John, but you could have shown Ayra and Jessica get closer and same goes for Bonnie and Ayra.

And finally, if you focused a bit more on saying whatever it was that Ayra was feeling. Like, you can say that she's sad, but if you go into detail a bit more about it you'll find that people want to read it more.

I hope that this review is of any help, and I don't want you to think I'm being to negative. Your story's good enough that I read it all in the space of just over an hour, and that was while one of my favourite shows was on aha.

Keep writing, because you're really good at it.

This story is amazing. That's all there is to it.

really good!

Really good! Keep writing, please!