|Reviews for Under the Surface|
| Guest 9/3/12 . chapter 13
So I'm kind of confused cuz its been a while since you updated.
Alex doesn't want to kill Lina.
Linas older brother knows about the mind reading thing and is one himself? Does Lina know this?
And Lina's new friend, is actually trying to kill lina? Bdnwk CONFUSED
| Flame Darkmoon 4/21/12 . chapter 12
Eh, I totally saw that coming.
| Ree 3/22/12 . chapter 11
U hate me! I knew it! Cliff hanger?
I bet its her bf, or maybeee the girl that likes evan :P
| Reeee 3/11/12 . chapter 10
Omfg. Update faster! Gah! Agony.
And wht happened to ur other story missy?
| Flame Darkmoon 3/4/12 . chapter 9
Ooooh, Mary has a guy who likes her I wonder if she will date him, I guess I'll just have to wait and find out.
| Ree 3/3/12 . chapter 8
| Ree14.0 1/23/12 . chapter 7
| Ree14.0 1/20/12 . chapter 6
Ooooo! Plz do update superduper fast! I will b waiting
| ZoeTsunami 1/20/12 . chapter 6
Yay, a new chapter _
Uh - before I forget - whatever symbols you used to indicate the change of perspective, they're not visible on the site - so it was kind of hard to figure out where one POV stopped and the other began... Maybe you should use the line break that the site provides in the "edit" option you get when you upload a document - that will definitely stay. If you try anyting like this:
it's not going to stay visible to your readers, which makes reading a bit confusing.
That's why I didn't quite get what happened at the end - by he sent her home, right? Anyway, I want to know what was behind that door O_O
Can't wait for the next chapter, keep it up! They're still incredible and awesome and extremely creative! I like it!
| ZoeTsunami 1/10/12 . chapter 5
Ahaha this is brilliant :D
I love their little "mind dialogue"-thing at the end, that is totally cool
I really liked this chapter, I take back what I said about transfer students; it's great to have Alex at her school and in her classes
In this chapter you got the tenses a little mixd up, I think, but it could also just have been a typing error or something... and by the way you meant "blackboard" not "black bored", right? :P
Ah, I like the scene at the beginning as well, when Mary remeets all her friends - they sound just as crazy as ANY teenage girls would, I can totally imagine the scene :D
Anyway, keep writing/updating, I'll be sure to comment as soon as possible :D
| ZoeTsunami 1/10/12 . chapter 4
Hey there! Sorry I'm so late at reviewing -_- *shame on me*
Anyways... great chapter, as expected
Although... the transfer thing is kind of cliché, don't you think...? But that depends on what you make of it, I won't judge before I read, so I'll leave my opinion open on that :)
Alright then, I'll go right on to the next chapter
| ree14.0 1/8/12 . chapter 5
Hehehehehe i really like alex even though i probably would get really annoyed with him
| ree14.0 1/3/12 . chapter 4
WAIT! U know tht review i just gave to ur other story bout tht being the more important 1... I take it back. XD can u just make them equally important?
Lolol i like alex :) except 4 the almost drowning the girl part... And y did he do this?
| ZoeTsunami 1/1/12 . chapter 3
Hey there :D
I love this chapter. It's cool!
I can see LOTS of possibilities now with this interesting new character, and I'm excited to see which one you chose for your story :D
Can't wait for further chapters, it's awesome you've already written up to chapter 14! I'll definitely read them when you upload them to the site.
Other than that, there were a few minor spelling mistakes here, but that doesn't change the fact that I love the idea, I love the storyline so far and want to know what happens next.
| ZoeTsunami 12/5/11 . chapter 2
Hey there! I loved this chapter as well :D It's so beautiful how you described Lina and Mary's friendship here, I can totally picture the cabin and everything, and I love the way you described exactly how it looked. I can imagine Mary falling in love with a place like that
One thing that bothers me here though: You've got a whole load of grammar and spelling mistakes in this chapter, a lot more than in the last one. I don't know what programme you use to write your story, but if it's Microsoft Word I can assure you it's got a "spell-" and "grammar-check" option somewhere - and if you're using another programme, I'm pretty certain it has something similar.
Have you thought of getting yourself a beta reader, you know, someone who goes through what you've written and checks for logical errors, spelling and grammar? It might be quite helpful. I'd even offer to do it if you like, but I haven't been on this site long enough to create a beta profile yet :P If you wait another month, I can do it, though, but only if you want me to.
For this chapter, I don't want to go into too much detail about the small... missfits that I found, but I'm sure if you read it through another time you'll notice most of them yourself.
Aside from that, I still love the concept of ths story, and I can't wait to see where it's going, so please write more soon! I promise I'll review again as soon as I can :D