|Reviews for bruised knuckles|
| JustAnotherNewbie 3/26/13 . chapter 2
Um. I relate to this sososo much. Favourite.
| The Wind Poet 10/12/12 . chapter 1
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 20
I like the repetition of "everyone" because it gives a sense of relatedness, of generality and of empericality as well. I don't like the third like because it seems to stretch a little compared to the others; I think a line break would be good there.
I love the sentiment in this. Sad, but unfortunately true. People change. Relationships become weaker; people drift apart. It's sad.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 19
I think that your first line could benefit from a comma after "well" because otherwise it just vanishes into the sentence and seems a little useless. It almost reminded me of the other well, but it's the wrong context for that. In any case, I think the comma would help give it meaning.
I also don't quite like the second line because it comes out a little emotionless/flat. I think you could easily reword it to make it much more poweful.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 18
I like how the "ever" stands on its own like that because it nicely emphasises the relative balance of expectations and emotions and a percieved reality, particularly since you've put it almost dead centre of the poem. I don't like the word-mincing in this because it lowers the emotional effect of the piece.
Crush leading up to love huh...or trouble. :)
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 17
I like how you've written this without punctuation because it does a good job reinforcing the rawness of this piece. I think though you should have had a stanza break between the third and fourth lines because the italics doesn't, I think, do enough to reinforce/"bold" that last line. It's not so directly related to the first three that it needs to be in the same stanza.
| Small Wings Flying 9/14/12 . chapter 16
I don't like the line [Did you have fun last night?] because it's a bit stand-outish. Does it relate to the messages? is it one? Or a question from the narrator? It's a little odd the way it is; the second has more of a leadup.
I like the ending though because it's a nice sentiment, an allusion to a certainty many people doubt even exist, but in this case the absence of that existence means something else entirely.
Ohana from the review marathon (link in profile)
| chewychester 8/8/12 . chapter 18
Sound more like lost in love then the losing of confidence. It sounds like a challenge. ;P
| Porcupineology 7/15/12 . chapter 15
Well, I just think these are decent poems, no more, no less. And I think they are quite content in where they stand. So is it thanks for sharing? Or is it thanks for being?
| Small Wings Flying 7/13/12 . chapter 15
I like the imagery of the weather; it's a nice, gentle transition that works well in the context.
I don't really like how you've ended the third line with a fullstop. It's not really complete, and as a musing thought that's left in between, it really should end with ellipses for a better effect. That would also help heighten the sad tone that the sentence feels it should have, but is lacking.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Small Wings Flying 7/13/12 . chapter 14
More poetic prose? Or is this genuine prose. I think it could be both. Anyway...
["Do you know who I am."] - that's a question, so why no question mark?
I don't like the use of commas for the most part. They're overused and cause an incredible jarring effect. For example, [That didn't really matter to me, though.] - don't need the comma. [The only question is, why] - don't need it either.
I like the impact of Jesse's character on the narrator. It shows a lot of things; some things can never be fully let go, those awkward moments can always pop up. You don't have to find beauty to be attracted to something. You don't have to feel /good/ to be attracted to that. You don't have to be, despite being a girl, drawn in by subtelties or by the bad-boy routine (as there's no badboy even if it is strong) or finesse.
| Small Wings Flying 7/13/12 . chapter 13
I like the last sentence. It speaks of something that is apparently obvious, but also a large factor of denial. And nicely placed in context too.
I don't really like the line [Hope this is one of them] - it's incredibly forward, as if the narrator is talking out to the audience. But why should the audience as a general group of people personally care about the narrator's situation? That's what it implies in any case. On the other hand, it could be the narrator speaking to herself or someone in particular, but you should specify this particular case. Sometimes, ambiguity works, but not always. This would be one of the times it's rather iffy.
| Small Wings Flying 7/13/12 . chapter 12
Like the first sentence. It's both solid and uncertain; a nice play of contradictions and mirror images. Especially the vengeful woman not being entirely successful.
I also like the ploy on the middle-woman, because it speaks out in an exasperated tone, but there's also a sense of sadness within it. Nicely written.
| Small Wings Flying 7/13/12 . chapter 11
[Reason You Should Totally Be Suspicious:] - perhaps an about at the end?
I like the style of this. It's prose poetry, which is rare, particularly when it /works/. But you've pulled it off nicely.
I don't particularly like the wording of your last line. [You can tell because the voice in my head that warns me not to do stupid things is missing] - It's rather contradictory; you say "the voice that warns me not to" and then you say the voice is missing. It might be better worded as "the voice that /should/ warn me not to ..." See the difference?
| Small Wings Flying 7/13/12 . chapter 10
This is an...interesting one. Not interesting as in I can't put it down, but interesting in that I'm not entirely sure what to think about it...still.
I find the third line a little too long. It would work best if you split it at the first fullstop and tacked the next line on to it. Having the speaker tag separate works for that section but when the capital letter I comes into play, it gets a little confusing. Enough for me to make a double-take. That would clear things up.
I like the ending of this. The plain truth tacking how far woman have come. Not that we're not tough. It's just that girls and guys really aren't that comparable. This nicely wraps it up.