|Reviews for Sometimes, That's All There Is|
| The Fallen Caryatid 1/19/12 . chapter 2
Story shows promise, definitely. I like that you seem to sometimes edges towards the snarky or sarcastic. Don't be afraid to go there! A lot of readers really enjoy that, I know I do. It spices up the story.
A little confused by the girl-here she is so enthralled by this sexy guy, and then she seems to do a 180. I understand that she's turned off by his swaggering attitude, but I can't help but think she still might have a physical reaction to him. Such as, when she looks at him, does her face heat up? Goosebumps? Does she feel hot, can she hear her own blood pound, does her heart feel like its racing? Does her stomach feel nauseous?
Or even mentally...I mean, you've said he is dark and brooding and sexy. But how so? Can she imagine brushing the pad of her thumb arcoss his lips? Or what it might feel like to have the scratch of his stubble scrape her neck as he kiss her collarbone?
Ok, so this isn't a romance novel. But girls still have feelings and wants, right? Dont' be afraid of including a character's sexuality and physicality. Kate can always feel uncomfortable or even disgusted with herself for her wants-but I think the important thing here is to convince the audience that this guy is worth wanting.
I think you have a good grasp on flow and dialogue. I'd just like the story to be a little more rooted in the real world, so that we trust that we're not just playing with paper dolls.
I would also remove that awkward A/N you have in the middle there. Bolding and italizing your transition is fine. Trust yourself.
| King and Lionheart 11/30/11 . chapter 1