i like how each character is different . but im not sure if every one is well puttogether yama seems to be a bit of a showoff and 'god' even if he is a player. dont under stand what gradsu finis is and why its in there. the writing is good .grammar and spelling are good could go thorgh and check again.
good story. if i had a accountm i would favorite this

oh wow such a long chapter it was full of action and a long battle :)

nice ending to the battle. and dont sweet it about the gradus finis thing. it doesnt seem strange or wierd or anything like that. it make sence when the reader thinks about it from a gaming view point. good job, i want t read more.

Where to begin, where to begin...

Alright lets see.

First off I started chapter 10 last night, finished on the bus ride then when I figured that was it POP up goes chapter 11!

Yet again you have taken something so simple as a game and pulled me in as if it's real life and honestly, I love it!

Lets see...

Sactsi- Why he no help? I get the whole "Jill Iian you must do this on your own" thing but really? He couldn't step in to help fend of Wittadora? tsk tsk on his part

Jill- Rainbow power! She is just so kick ass! I love it! All the censoring of curse words on her part is kind of funny in its own way too -

I love how you add in those tid bits of Nos and her and how she is completely oblivious to the fact that he likes her (at least I think)

OH! I'm really hoping that Nos goes along with her and that he doesn't drop from the story for a whole bunch of chapters, I love him :D

(I hope he goes to see lolidra with Jill)

I'm a total nerd when it comes to romance so it rather helps.

Oh and I really thought that Jill was gonna call Yamma because he's all speedy and stuff. I was expecting him to come in and be all like WHAM! POW! SHAZAM! on Wittadora... kind of a let down. But I guess I can settle for Sactsi

What's with Silly Puff and Yvaun though? Why are they calling him all cute and handsome o.O -confused-

Well you better update soon! I don't want you to be off the air waves for a month or so again!

*Squeal* Jill is totally going to kick Wittadora's ass!

that was totally awesome!11!1! is there going be a huge battle next cahpter? hope ther is!

are jill and nos gonna hook up? nos and the dark elf wizard guy are similir as well. are they bros or something?

Awesome chapter, just absolutely brilliant!

Second Earth is a well written story. I like how you keep the story focused on Jill, but also include other character's viewpoints. The writing is rather fluid, and it's not flowery to the point of going, "What did I just read?"

A few questions that you should think about: the first is Yamma. The guy seems to just break all the rules. Is he in cohoots with the makers of the game? He seems to be able to whatever he wants. Can players and npcs even "fall in love" normally?

Another question is this: what's with all the characters? I understand that it somewhat, being a game and almost all the teenagers playing it, but I'm still confused about their purpose in the story. Eldamer is a little annoying, as is Rose and Kitten. Those two are great, but I'm still confused as to their parts of the story. Kalian and Jill are best friends, and Rose just decided to join because of? And Kitten likes Kalian, so the two are married which came out of nowhere, kinda, and so even the cleric makes some sense. But Rose is a little bit odd. Is she meant to be Yamma's actual love interest? Or will she have a bigger story?

P.S. Kill Eldamer. Ban the player from Second Earth. She's f*ckin' annoyin'.

good chapter

insribed (I think this is spelled right)

this is pretty good. some parts made me lol others made me go, daaaaamn you should continue writing this. id like to read more

I hope you update as soon as possible.

Niiiice!

Looking forward to the next one ;)

Love, love, love this story sooo much! I got hooked at about 8 last night and have been on and off reading! I love the whole idea of a story of a in-game life.

It's really strange considering that Yamma is in love with an NPC, although I think Rose is true about something being fishy in that. I don't know whether or not to think Yamma did something to her or her to him, but the money thing is suspicous.

Also, I really don't like Jill's wannabe wife Eldamer, she ticks me off. To my belief Jill isn't even into woman... correct? I wanna see some guy come in and see that Jill is pretty and they like get together in Dumont .

Well anyways, very long review I left, soo yeah keep it up!

wow long chap but good hah all of them were saved by Bone Bag...ugh the way he kissed Zazalothe was gross :p

I really love this story; its cute and has all the aspects that I like but I feel pity for Rose...and how the NPC knows what she is and all that and how the people that made the game don't know about the little relationship confused me...it just seems that Yamma doesn't hide his feelings for Moide very well...er not at all really.

I love it though! Keep going! Solve my inner turmoil and questions! And quickly come up with how Jill saves the world and becomes amazingly awesome!