|Reviews for War Machine|
| Small Wings Flying 7/15/12 . chapter 1
There are several places that seem a litle too structured for the theme you're trying to get across. Eg. [Countless much like your dollars!] - I feel like there should be a break somewhere within that for some reason. It would puncture the statement more. [Assault but you will never break me!] too - the assault somewhat drowns into the sentence.
I think you did a good job in capturing the horrors of war without painting a very gruesome image. A rather atypical and unique stretch. I also love the mention of Aphrodite - greek diety mellowing in common warfare. Nothing beautiful about that, and with the mention of an image that represents elsewise is a nice and almost ironic touch. Also serves to encapsulate the timeless nature.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Dark Blue Lover 12/20/11 . chapter 1
Once more, powerful song, the anger's basically hanging in the air. Well conveyed with those short sentences/exclamations. Love the image of "beads upon your abacus". Also the first three lines - damn true.
Good job on this!
| Jenny Sue 12/19/11 . chapter 1
Really powerful and angry. I especially liked 'beads upon your abacus' as a simile, and all the repetition of 'war-machine' to really drum home the point. I wasn't a massive fan of how many exclamation marks they were, since a few used scarcely can really add a lot of emphasis, but too many just sort of diminishes their impact, if that makes sense. Still, that's just down to personal taste, and I really enjoyed reading this. I'll be sure to check out more of your writing.