|Reviews for Vividam|
| Chelsea Lynne 12/25/11 . chapter 2
Props for the particularity of these details.
With that, I headed for Vividam, leaving for the oasis like city in the middle of this dessert country.
This one sentence alone describes much about Vividam. It evokes the image of a city in a Sahara like dessert.
Lavender with a citrus scent… layered with flowers.
You even tell us what the air smells like! This makes me think that for my own story I should include more details like these. I mention the scent of flowers but I could do more than that.
I'm going to shut up for once in a review and just say that I enjoyed this chapter. I wonder if Ksenia's name was truly stolen. Be nice-the poor girl's insecure as it is.
| Chelsea Lynne 12/24/11 . chapter 1
What a wonderful character you have created! I believe that a lot of people will be able to relate to Ksenia on a number of different levels.
I like that you chose for Ksenia to be the eldest child. Many stories focus on the younger sibling following in the footsteps of the first born. I like that you flipped this scenario on its head. Instead, the Ksenia is actually jealous of her younger sister. I'm curious if Ksenia recognizes her jealousy. I have a feeling she might not admit it. In the story she admits having "sinful and dirty" thoughts, wanting to harms her sister, but she never acknowledges the root of these feelings, her jealousy. Perhaps Ksenia's weakness is her pride.
When she arrives at Vividam for instance, she chooses to keep her name. In your typical "redemption" story, people generally abandon their old names in order to take on a new identity. Since Ksenia keeps her name we are left to wonder this-Does she truly want to change? I believe that she does feel guilty about her dark thoughts towards her sister. The problem is that Ksenia still believes she is better than her sister.
I hope that Ksenia will come to compare herself not to others, but to herself. Be nice to your character Koxuk. Let her succeed.
I only have one comment on the content. Why is the city of Vividam Ksenia's "one and only choice?" You say that it is from away from Beva, but just how far away? Three weeks travels is not that long, not compared to many other journeys Ksenia could take. Why does Ksenia not choose a city which is further away? What is is about Vividam? What does it mean if it is a "city of lights?" Is it a city of redemption? I would like to hear a bit more about Ksenia's reasoning to choose Vividam.
Would you consider reviewing my story? I would appreciate your advice since you created such a strong and believable character.