|Reviews for Playing with Fire|
| yesika0512 4/4/12 . chapter 3
Joking I'm a demanding reader, and you got me hook up. I spent an hour reading all that you wrote.
Anyway, I can't wait for Eria to be on her new school.
And I'm still hoping for more Eloise and Alessia scene. (Love this two!) I hope they end up friends in the end ;)
| xXSamurai-98Xx 1/7/12 . chapter 3
Interesting :)) update soon and don't forget the romance
| xXSamurai-98Xx 1/4/12 . chapter 2
Lol :)) there's gonna be romance right? You promised that there'll be romance! :)))
| xXSamurai-98Xx 1/2/12 . chapter 1
Lol nice :)) I hope that this is the last time you'll ever rewrite this -,- I've been waiting for the romance of Jazz and stuff for a long time man! :))) lol anyway, update soon! :D
| Lynn K. Hollander 12/31/11 . chapter 1
'She tied the reigns to an old tree, and clutching the side of her stomach with one hand, and the other hand on a pocket, she slowly left.' 1) Homophones are words that sound alike but mean different things. Reign, rain and rein Only one of these means the guiding mechanisms of a horse's bridle; it wasn't the one you used. Consult a dictionary, NOT a spell check program to make sure you've used the right WORD, not just the right spelling of the wrong word. 2) The sentence is rambling and awkward. Try something on the order of: She tied the reins to an old tree. Clutching her side, she hobbled to the small shop.
No blood trail, she thought. It seems to have stop. Verb tense: It seems to have STOPPED.
There are some words that just take up space: small IN SIZE; red IN COLOR; seven IN NUMBER. Try to omit all space holding words and write small, red, or seven. Here, 'The item was small, simple ring. It was made up of smooth emerald green stone and gold metal' is clumsy. Try: The pouch contained an emerald and gold ring. or '...a small gold ring, with a single emerald...' or maybe '...a child's ring, an emerald in a gold setting...' if you feel the size is really important; or '...a table-cut emerald in a plain gold setting..' if you want to emphasize the simplicity of the ring. A writer can be precise and direct and still convey necessary information in a very few words. Deciding **exactly** what you want to say is always a good idea.
'You will stay in my side and escape' awkward. Where is Alessandro? This reads as if he's inside the woman? That can't be right. Can it? If the meaning of this sentence is something on the order of: 'you will keep faith with me' or 'you will not betray me' or even just: 'we are on the same side', try a simpler and more explicit statement. Check the idioms you use: 'in my side' is NOT the same as 'on my side'.