|Reviews for I Never|
| seredemia 4/3/12 . chapter 11
Aaw, I feel really really sorry for Victor. It's awful when your parents - the people you've grown up with your entire life - are fighting. He must feel very insecure and trapped right now, especially when his younger sister is also being affected. Speaking of the sister, it's a great way to show us that the fights are getting worse. Now, normally, if his sister tries to stop the fights, then that's normal... But now she's crying, so it's obviously gotten worse.
AAW. VICTOR AND ZOE ARE SO DAMN CUTE. AAW. JUST LET ME REVEL IN THIS CUTENESS. AAAAW. I really like how she managed to cheer him up a bit. It's nice that even though his life basically sucks, he has Zoe as a good thing. LOVE SAVES ALL. LOLOLOLOL. *gets punched for cheesiness*
I don't like his mum. She's just acting irrational and completely not nice at all. I found it childish and just plain selfish. Her comments really annoyed me. What kind of mother would say that. Ugh. *hugs Victor* There, there. At least you have Zoe. He has an awful choice to make.. He prefers his dad more, but then that would mean he wouldn't be able to see Zoe and the others as much... Ugh. That's awful :(
Just a personal opinion; I thought the characters said 'I understand' a bit too much in this chapter - but I'm just nitpicking :)
Hmm... I'm hoping that the relationship with Victor and Zoe doesn't fall apart. It was kinda implied that because of this whole situation he's in, even Zoe is being affected. I really hope they stay together. But I can't see how Victor will make his decisions; it's just a really tough decision to make. Gosh.
AND HA. I MISSED YOUR APRIL FOOLS JOKE. I HAVE SURVIVED.
| TheMagicOfReality 4/3/12 . chapter 11
This was a fabulous update, I really like the Victor and Zoe interaction, and they're a really interesting couple. ;) Can't wait for the update!
| Mistval 4/2/12 . chapter 8
For some reason this chapter seemed more polished than the others I remember reading. It was crystal clear.
I do think that this chapter is an important one, even though not a lot really happens, because it does a good job strengthening the bond between Pete and Elizabeth, and you do that while filling in the time gap between deciding to go to Jersey and ending up on Jersey. Slow chapters like this can be risky, but I think this one was worthwhile.
And I guess that your birthday is on 4-02 and you turned 20. But I also cheated by looking ahead :) Still, a deal's a deal, and I expect cookies! I turned 20, hmm... about two weeks ago now. Happy belated birthday.
| PurpleWings71 4/2/12 . chapter 11
nice chapter the joke chapter wasn't bad it was funny after i thought about it but it made me angry at first i wanted a new chapter
| Victoria Best 4/2/12 . chapter 10
Wow! I really love this story! Usually I would say that writing about many characters is risky, but you pull it off so well it is unbelievable. The whole structure of this is brilliant, and it's so refreshing and engaging, and keeps the story running at a fast pace. The dialogue really enhances the story, and I especially like the conversations between Pete and Elizabeth, because you show differences in their speech due to their ages, and show their mannerisms, for example how their answer to suffering through jetlag is coffee :) In addition, I love all of your characters. Zoe is pretty cool, because I love a good, strong female character, none of these insulting princess characters, and I think its great how she beat all the boys! I think Simon is my favourite so far, and I really hope the boxing thing works out, because I want him and Lauren to live happily ever after and be together forever! Yup, I am a hopeless romantic, as you can see. :D
I would say that the main thing you could think about is including a little more description. You focus on describing the personalities and mannerisms of the characters, which is fantastic, but your reader may find it difficult to really be able to picture your characters due to limited descriptions of how they look. The first chapter was a little confusing because of this. These could be shown subtlety, for example through the way they stand or walk, which would really help build up a vivid picture for your readers.
Otherwise, I love this! You are a very talented writer. Keep writing and update soon!
| TheMagicOfReality 4/1/12 . chapter 10
This is an amazing story, I'm so glad I found it! Happy Birthday!
| Dr. Self Destruct 3/31/12 . chapter 8
I think it's really cool how Elizabeth is bi-lingual. I wish I knew how to speak more than one language. The fact that she makes an effort to keep up with it is great as well. I found myself really liking Elizabeth even more after this chapter. Her open-mindedness and intelligence is really refreshing.
I get this very innocent, almost naive feeling from Pete, so I couldn't help but feel sorry for him when he was talking about Daniel leaving him and all the stuff he had to put up with while he was in high school - namely being confused about his own sexuality. Me and Elizabeth are of the same mind when she said she thinks it should be up to a person as to who they fancy.
I know nothing of French so I have no idea what the two were saying to each other, haha. But I do think it's cool that you incorporated that part into their conversation. However, I did notice that at first Pete mentioned he was thankful his grandmother was bilingual, but then he sounded surprised when she came out and said she was bilingual, contradicting his line dialogue a few lines previously. Though, now that I'm reading it again, it looks like he might've been surprised to hear that she was born in Jersey. So nevermind this if that's what it was.
Can't wait to see where their adventures in France brings them. :)
| Dreamers-Requiem 3/31/12 . chapter 2
Like I said before, there were a few instances where sentences seemed a bit overly wordy. Just watch out for them for future chapters. [had one of his moods.] You keep mentioning his moods, but I think it might work if you showed it rather than telling; maybe show what he's done, how he's acting, especially as it's the last straw, so to speak, for Lauren.
[His hands had formed into] and [Laurens hands had formed into fists too,] make it just a bit too repetive. I think you could drop the 'had' from both, but I would suggest maybe finding another way of showing Lauren's frustration.
[he replied with his teeth clenched.] could cut down to (he replied, teeth clenched.)
[She felt tears running down her eyes as she headed for her own home] I noticed you tend to use 'She', 'He' or the names a lot at the start of sentences. Maybe play around with it a bit - so you could change that sentence to something like (Tears ran down her face as she headed for home.) or something. And yeah - it should be face rather than eyes.
I did feel the conversation between Lauren and Esmeralda sounded slightly off for a pair who are supposed to be close friends. Esmeralda, for one, doesn't seem to have much sympathy...the dialogue just doesn't work that well between the two of them. Maybe just play around with it a bit - even ask a female friend to look over it, to help? I do think it's quite difficult to write in a different gender, and it does kind of show here. I did hear a suggestion before, to maybe read blogs and stories written by someone of that gender, speaking in their own gender. It might help a bit?
Anyway, hope these suggestions help. Like I said before, the ideas behind it are interesting, though it's not clear where the plot is going right now. (Although that's not a bad thing.) Good stuff, and I'll try to read chapter 3 when I can.
| Whirlymerle 3/30/12 . chapter 3
Avatar! Yes! I'm a huge fan of that movie. But then, I was a big fan of Pocahontas too, and I know the two has a lot of similarities.
I thought it was really cute how Ian and Esmeralda's friendship emerged from their mutual passion for watching movies, and how, while they began as a two members of a club, it slowly became just the two of them.
I also enjoyed the part when Ian and Esmeralda first met in 2009. I thought it was a neat detail how Esmeralda mentioned Ian's lack of an accent, and he broke out into an Irish one.
I'm guessing Ian wants to profess his attraction to Esmeralda? Until of course, Victor got in the way and ruined the moment. I definitely thought that even though they aren't an item, Ian and Esmeralda's relationship is more than close enough to take it to that step if both of them want to. Hopefully, they'll have an opportunity to do so before something bad happen. (Ian's creepy/annoying ex, for instance)
Spotted one mistake:
[let's forgot about this all, shall we] should be "let's forget"
| Carmel March 3/28/12 . chapter 10
This is as great as ever! Love it :)
| SiahXSiren 3/26/12 . chapter 10
They got back together?
I was devastated until I read they'l have a happy ending :) yay. That's good.
Happy birthday by the way :D
| Vernelley 3/22/12 . chapter 10
...Why, Lauren? -_- Same thing could easily happen, and it'd just be a cycle... Simon isn't very convincing, seeing as the last time they got together again they still ended up breaking it off. Well, who knows, maybe the venting method will make a difference. But no, I still don't like him :'D
Heh Pete and Elizabeth are all cranky from jet lag xD I wonder if there's more behind Elizabeth's grumpiness though... I'm kind of suspicious about that, but I could be reading into it too much :'D
Anyway, happy belated again. Wonder where the search will take Pete and Elizabeth, and I'm still curious about that advice that Lauren's going to give Victor.
| seredemia 3/22/12 . chapter 10
Considering that it's your birthday, I shall try and make this review humongously (is that a word?) long. I haven't written a HUUUGE review in ages, so I hope I can still do it... *gulp*
Aaah. I see that Lauren is going to talk to Simon. Hmm. I wonder if she'll move on? Looking at the title of this chapter, I have a feeling that Simon is going to lose his temper, then they'll argue and fight... And I don't know. For Lauren's sake, I hope she finds strength to move on. Or maybe her and Simon can have some sort of understanding and sort things out FINALLY? I like how you said 'Lauren had come to face her demons'. To me, that can also represent Simon. I mean, his temper can make him look demonic. Lol. *Imagines Simon with red wings and horns*
Ack. Never mind. Lauren isn't planning on moving on. (I'm reviewing as I read, I always do it xD) I must admit I'm a bit disappointed in her. Then again, I can't blame her. If you really love someone, it'll be almost impossible to let them go. Despite how weak it might look like, you do write Lauren very realistically. Not everyone in real life can just easily move on, and Lauren represents that perfectly. It might look weak, but in a way, it's also strong. She's swallowing her pride and fears just so that she could be with Simon again. I don't think that's weak, actually.
[They were three gentle, but loud knocks and Lauren felt her heart pounding in her chest.]
- Small details like this really slow down the scene - which is good in this case. Because you're prolonging the tension. It's like you're putting us exactly in Lauren's shoes. xD
Simons looks... friendly. If I was Lauren, I would have probably went "OOPS. WRONG HOUSE." then bolted it out of there as fast as I could... xD I have a feeling this conversation really might not turn out so well... Gwah. What if Simon gets too angry... He's never hit her, has he? I don't think so. Just verbally hurt her, right?
HOW ARE YOU DOING. HOW ARE YOU DOING. Talk about small talk... xD Fingers crossed this conversation turns out fine!
- I know this is small details, but I LOVE this. It's like he knows what kind of drink she wants. (Or maybe it's the only drink he has at home...) Despite the fact that they're not together right now, there's still that history that they used to have. THE HISTORY WHERE THEY MAY HAVE DRUNK LEMONADE TOGETHER UNDER THE STARS AND SHOOTING STARS AND BUNNY RABBITS DANCING IN THE BACKGROUND WITH METEOR SHOWERS OR SOMETHING. Or something like that. But hey, I could be way wrong. I bet you could be thinking right now "No... No, Francine. Simon just hasn't gone shopping this week because he's been too busy studying for his exams about polythene and photochromic molecules. He hasn't got any other drinks apart from bloody lemonade... So no." If that's the case, then... Never mind...
Aaw. Simon thinks Lauren hates him. Then again, she did break up with him (for like the 82472893728357th time) so I suppose that does give the impression that she could hate him. And also, when people break up with you, you either end up hating THEM, or yourself. Or both if you're unlucky... And it's hard to think that a week has only passed by since she broke up with him. It felt much longer than that... Hmm. I'm not sure about Simon. He said he missed HAVING girlfriend and that he couldn't stand being alone. So, I'm not sure if he misses Lauren because of the fact that he just misses HER, or the fact that he misses having SOMEONE. If that makes sense? That's what it seemed like to me. To me, it just looked like he missed her because he didn't like being alone. Maybe that's the case. Simon IS a complicating character. Maybe that's also the reason why he's so bad tempered. He doesn't want to be alone, but he ends up pushing them away anyway. So, in the end when he's all alone, he ends up blaming himself instead because of his temper. That could be another reason why he hates being by himself! Because when he's alone, he tends to think too much and he just thinks "DAMN YOU SIMON WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND SCREAM AT LAUREN LIKE THAT. DUDE YOU HAVE MESSED UP BIG TIME. SHE HATES ME NOW. I HATE YOU SIMON BOOOO."
*Sigh* A ballpoint. A. ball. point. thing. Looking back, it does seem very... trivial. It makes me want to whack Simon across the head. But you're right. It's not about the ballpoint (thank the lord) but just the fact that he's so easy to anger. I do think it might be because of his inner turmoil - whatever that is. My hunch kinda makes sense... I mean, if he has such a low confidence in himself then that can make you lose your temper more than normally... I think. I dunno. Maybe I'm looking too deeply into Simon's character. Maybe, really, the reason why he has such a bad temper is because HE HAS THIS ALTER EGO. AND REALLY, THIS STORY IS A FANTASY IN DISGUISE. LIKE SIMON IS LIKE A VAMPIRE AND HE GETS AWFUL MOOD SWINGS WHEN HE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH BLOOD. AND THAT BALLPOINT WAS HIS MAGICAL STAFF AND HE'S JUST REALLY PROTECTIVE OVER IT. (My speculations rock)
Aaw. He's happy about her coming though. Aaw. I find that strangely sweet. Also, it does show that he cares about her. Plus, it makes him look shy. If he missed her so much, then why didn't HE talk to her first? I know she broke up with him, but he could have chased after her or something. But he has an idea now, so I wonder what that would be.. I think Simons may need to take those classes that help you with your temper. I can imagine him doing that in the future, actually...
["So… there we sit, then."]
- Grammar: There? I'm pretty sure 'here we sit' would sound better because 'there' implies that they're sitting somewhere else :)
I do feel sorry for both Lauren and Simon. Lauren because it's so clear how much she adores Simon - but no girl deserved to be treated like this again and again. Simon can't control his temper, yes, but that doesn't mean that Lauren should just stand back and let him verbally hurt her. I know she must be feeling an inner battle between just moving on and forgetting about him and his temper, or just fighting through her problems. But the thing is, I have a feeling that she just feels that Simon pushes her away. As for Simon, I feel sorry for him because of obvious reasons. He can't control his temper and he feels like he's hurting the girl he loves. You can tell he hates himself for it, but he can't do anything to stop it, so he's pretty much stumped..
OOH. HE'S GOING BOXING? GREAT IDEA, DEAR SIMON. GO VENT YOUR ANGER OUT ON POOR PUNCHING BAGS. VENT IT ALL OUT AND GET MUSCLES AT THE SAME TIME. I love the idea! I was thinking along the lines of anger classes instead, but I do think that boxing may work better... Only... Only, I have an awful prediction. My prediction is that Simon will try to control it.. But something AWFUL will happen in the future and he won't be able to stop his temper. THEN HE JUST LASHES OUT AT LAUREN AND ACCIDENTALLY HURTS HER. Because he's so used to lashing it out on violence towards the punching bags, you see. So yeah... I hope that my prediction is wrong... I do like how he's trying now. Maybe he finally realised that all of this breaking up and so on isn't going to work AT ALL if he still loves Lauren. Instead of running away from his problems, he should face them HEAD ON. (Eidan should learn from Simon... -_-)
Shoot. I only have about 2551 characters left. THIS ISN'T ENOUGH FOR MY REVIEW.
Back to Pete now! :D Pete's probably jet-lagged... All those hours on the plane would have made him tired - obviously. I can NEVER sleep on planes. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. And all these scenes with Elizabeth makes me wish I knew french. Gwah. And argh, both of them are getting tired. I like how you made them annoyed with each other. I found it odd at first, but it's true. I mean, I am so easy to annoy even when I'm not tired, so obviously it would be worse when you haven't hardly got any sleep... It shows how tired both of them are if they're like that. Pete and Elizabeth, until this point, have been very kind and friendly with each other, so they MUST be tired. Like seriously awfully tired. I hope they get some rest and renew their happy spirits though. They're stuck with each other for now, so they can't afford to fight too much... I do hope that they'll find Alan soon. If they're already this tired now, imagine what they'll be if they don't find him soon. I hope that this journey of theirs won't do anything bad to Pete and Elizabeth's relationship. They're just tired so they just need some sleep. You certainly did a great job with the tiredness. People tend to be grumpy and easy to anger when they haven't got any sleep, so it was great that you did it to both Pete and Elizabeth.
I love the relationship Pete has with his mum. It's especially a huge contrast compared to Victor who wasn't that close to his parents on the last chapter. It reminds me that all the people in this story are so different. I don't know how many times I've said this but seriously, you are so good with your characters. You have TONS of characters and yet you just separate their stories so well. I can never do that. I tried doing that with my older story but it failed epicly, so I had to delete it.
This chapter did manage to make me like Simon more. You didn't delve too much into his personality, but I felt that you did enough. I do hope his idea works. Both him and Lauren deserve to be happy with each other. Lauren has been through a lot with him (both bad and good), so they just need to get over this one problem, and everything will be perfect!
Anyway, that's it for my extremely long review. Phew. I miss writing huge reviews like this, lol. Haven't done this in YEARS. I hope you find it helpful and that you have a great birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! As always, a great chapter from you! BYE BYE! :D
| PurpleWings71 3/22/12 . chapter 10
amazing as always but simon didn't ask here's your lemonade he said it
| Vernelley 3/19/12 . chapter 9
Oh, it's back to Victor again. His situation is quite a complicated one, and it's explained very well; he knows his dad is manipulating him, but there are pros and cons to going with either parent.
Haha. At least he'd have the dog if he went with his dad.
Hmm. I think I like Victor's father... as much as Victor does. Well, it's all a pretty tight predicament thanks to his dad's personality. But you can definitely tell, even without Victor stating so, that he's trying to hide the fact that he's manipulating Victor.
Oh, so Lauren's parents are divorced too. I'm curious as to what kind of advice she might give Victor, though of course it's quite probable that the situations are dissimilar.
Just one edit:
-the correct conjugation should be 'immeasurable'.
Other than that, good work so far. I'll probably miss your birthday since I never seem to be able to read your updates immediately, but hey, I'll try.