Your story is good. But you use Max way too much, try and edit the story and replace it with something else

Very interesting story, but a little more character development could be useful, even though it can be hard to add. Proofreading would also be good, and how old is Max.

A nice flow to this one. Very good dialogue. Same suggestion as the last chapter plus maybe add in a little more description of the world around Max? I have my idea of what it looks like, but its largely based on assumption. Just a thought!

I like the idea of the story but you say Max a lot! One suggestion would be to maybe go back and edit some of that with "he" instead. It would make it easier to read! Well, off to chapter 2 :)

the voice of the story is too wavy because of too much comma phrases. however, the story is good.

Writing Style Report by Sukiam6 for The Ten Rings

Word Variation Score: 43/100

Most overused words: had, it/there, was/were

Cliché phrases: “in the dark”, “the thing”

Return a review and I’ll do a report on your next piece of writing.

“Most important are the words that make the story.”