Hahahaha, funny Orly! Yup, just work it together!

Thus isn't finished right? Please?

1) I think that the mood was supposed to come off as confused/lonely, but it really just came across as confused to me.

2) I think you're safe as far as character development :)

This chapter made me all giggly:D

But which mood do you mean? The awkwardness?

Though I'm not a guy, they seem pretty male to me at least:)

No worries, this introspection is in charater and they seem all male, its just insecurity that makes Orlenth act this way.

And personally, I think that being in a relationship there's no boundaries to whether a character is behaves like a male or not, let things just fall natually and it will be all fine!

Hurr. I think that O came across as lonely, confused and just a tad desperate.. To me at least. I dunno if that's gow it was how it was supposed to be..

As for coming across as male, I felt as if they did.. But I'm a somewhat flamingly gay tranny man so.. I might be a bad person to ask. Hope I'm helpful. :)

The melancholy Orlenth feels comes through quite clearly here. It doesn't help that he's in a bit of denial about the reason (could it be he's finally ready to start, at the least, admitting he has feelings for Rysem?).

As for your one shot: I'd love to see the world through Zalon's eyes. What makes Zalon tick and why is he so determined to have Juele? Why does he feel that he should be the most important person in Juele's life and how does he feel about the fact that Juele isn't returning the attraction?

This is the bad thing about first person narratives, or narratives that focus only on one character's actions and thoughts. We don't get anything from the other side.

As for your other question ... they seem reasonably male to me. However, if you're unsure, I highly recommend widening your reading base to include reading more books featuring male characters by male authors. Depending on who you read, the characters can be as emotive as boards to extremely emotive - that has to do with how the author deals with character actions, emotions and personality as well as the author's personal experiences. To this end I suggest: Josh Lanyon (whose characters run the gamut [he also wrote a book on how to write for the m/m market]), Greg Herren, Richard Stevenson, Victor Banis, and Richard Mark Zubro.

The chapter was a calm one, I think it fit well for Orlenth's... problem. All in all it was good

Hmm. I can't say I know better about if your characters are manly or not. Rysem feels very manly though. Orlenth is like a spoiled and grumpy version of my boyfriend... and people thought he was gay before he met me. Apparently I'm manlier than him too, so...

I don't really think much of how a male character should act or not, because I've met so many people that really would be described as girly (giggle, loves cute cuddly stuff, care about their appearances, watch 'chick flicks', hugs alot.." and they're as straight as they come. But as I've said, Rysem is very manly to me.

And one shot... it would be fun to read something about a ne Kaiza, since they tend to be there, but only in the background. Would be nice to get to know them a bit better.

Well, honestly, I think that gender doesn't really matter when it comes to love. Maybe they don't come across as overwhelmingly homo- or heterosexual, but that's fine. It only serves to remove the gender-based side of "do I like this person". When this aspect is removed, then works, imo, become more welcoming, timeless and relatable to people of all kinds.

Yes, writing is a little rough, but I'm pretty sure your message comes across nicely. Besides, much of prose is up to the reader's interpretation.

As for the one shot, write one about Jevan, please! _

Awww. Well, Orlenth would know about what's good for the orphans. Though it seems to me that he and Rysem now can't go a week without fighting and that their fights are becoming somewhat ridiculous even to them.

Seems like Orlenth still don't trust Rysem enough, but caring for kids totally unrelated to him show that he has a sensitive heart!

Love this Orlenth you created!

Aw, and now they have kids... lots of them. xD

Actually read this during lunchbreak at my job practice... on my mobile phone. Covered in blue-green paintdust. Yes, paintdust. Had to remember to review when I got home, which I just did. yay for good memory!

I wouldn't know, S. I'm immune to your charms. :)

Awww. Rysem and Orlenth may not be in love yet, but they certainly care about one another.

Orlenth came off way less whiny this time around, (yeah, character drift and all that) but partly because of the body language. Clearly, he was giving someone he had known as a kid a hard time here, and not necessarily meaning much of it, besides being kinda annoyed at Rysem.

Oh, and that little understanding that Rysem and Orlenth discussed at the beginning (namely the "sleep with whoever you want but be discreet about it, because this isn't a love match") was subverted quite handily. OFC, Orlenth isn't exactly the type to have a one night stand with someone he met at the ball anyway, but I like to think that it indicates that he does have at least the beginnings of some sort of loyalty to Rysem.

Happy birthday with all your extra long reviews. :)

Awwww, the person that can make you feel safe is the one for you some old saying. Really love the way you take things step by step in developing the characters and their relationship!No worries, your writing is getting better and better,please don't be insecure, its really good and really made my day better! yay for long chapter!

And Happy coming Birthday!

Ohh,describing Orlenth is part of being concern, no need to worry, Rysem!