|Reviews for Sword and Shield|
| SunsetSprite 1/5/13 . chapter 1
AWESOME SAUCE IS SQUIRTED ALL OVER THIS PEICE! XD IT'S AWESOME!
XD I love your profile by the way!
| Dragon-Rider II 10/5/12 . chapter 3
I was confused a little at the part where Finch realised he had fallen when he woke up in a forest. He fell asleep, right?
Aaargh my ear hurts.
Anyway, I like this Gua dude.
... Seven months and three chapters?
Let's do some math. That totals to 2.333... months per chapter.
So considering this the next chapter should rock up early October. That's now.
Well, it may not change now, but it helps to write chapters before you start posting them. (There is a chance I fail at this.)
| Dragon-Rider II 10/5/12 . chapter 2
I'll try and be as in-depth as Xejis with this.
Yeah, they wouldn't be in a dojo. They'd be on a medieval training ground because we speak of knights and not ninjas.
A couple of comma splices in places.
OH MY GOSH WRONG 'ITS'. (Watch it, bro.)
If the place was described as being a town, you should continue to call it a town. Towns tend to be larger than villages, so if it's a town (my guts tell me it's not a village), continue to call it a town.
I see you have changed the summary... heheh. (Its.)
(I am never letting you live this down.)
| Doc 10/5/12 . chapter 1
Thought I may as well review because I don't want to do my homework.
This rewrite (YEAH I READ IT) is better than the previous one in terms of description and Stuff that Happened.
Kudos to you, sir, for describing the setting without unnecessarily long sentences and making the soldiers mortal and human and stuff.
There were, however, and this is where I win at life, several grammatical errors. You may have found one spelling mistake, but I find every other error.
- It's Contraction of 'it' and 'is'. 'Its' shows possession, so 'its hilt was as red as blood', not 'it's hilt'.
- New line for another person talking. Raven and Maybe-Masked Man wouldn't be talking in the same paragraph.
- 'One /had/ a thick mane of hair', not 'one has'.
... *Takes sip of water* It is a hot day.
| Xejis 6/19/12 . chapter 2
This chapter had more description, and our hero is introduced! Very well done. Though I'd like to point out if you are setting this back in the time of knights, then I don't think a 'dojo' would be the right term for a training area. Especially since dojo's are geared more toward the martial arts and originated in Asia, I believe. Other than that I think this was an interesting and well written chapter, and I look forward to more.
| Xejis 6/19/12 . chapter 1
Okay this was an interesting start. I think you could make an extremely engaging story with this beginning. However you need a little more description in the story. Describe the setting and the characters involved. A detailed description of the setting helps engage the reader, immersing them into your own world. Descriptions also help with the flow of the story and with the length. Another thing I noticed is the choppy sentences, they are wonderful when trying to express tension and/or fear however they shouldn't be used to much, or else it'll cut off the flow. Try making your sentences longer, this will make the short sentences that are meant to be there for the effect stand out all the more.
All in all this is a good beginning. As for grammar mistake, the only thing I spotted was in the second to last sentence 'No' is indented when it should not be. The sentence should be: "NO! instead of: " NO!. Other than that I didn't not find any obvious grammar/spelling mistakes, and the story itself is interesting. I'll review again once I finish the second chapter.
| Dragon-Rider II 6/16/12 . chapter 1
I thought I might as well review (OMG SHE REVIEWS) because a) we are at my grandparents' house and I don't have anything productive to do because b) I don't have my USB with me and c) biographies are boring. *Sigh*
SO NOW YOU CAN'T KILL/MAUL/GUT/HANG-DRAW-QUARTER ME WITH THE GIANT TARDIGRADE.
And here the actual review begins.
Rule of life: Flops always count.
Anyway, this is an interesting start to an interesting story (this is the truth. The summary is awesomesauce and the squirrel cover makes me laugh.) (I like to think the squirrel is Finch, but I digress.) (I MEAN REALLY CAN YOU PICTURE IT WITH A HELMET). Other than the intersting of interestingness, I agree with the previous reviewer- a bit more description would've been nice (not just the man and the winged man) and the Guardian should've been harder to take down.
Then again, because it shouldn't take a long time to retrieve a sword...
But shouldn't the Guardian have been stronger?
Eh. On to the next chapter.
| thatawkwardmoment 1/26/12 . chapter 1
Definaltey intersting but I think more description would've been good, especially would've liked to see a little more action, and the trolls kinda came out of nowhere.
But other than that, it is an interesting idea so I'm subscribing. :) To see where it goes.