You're definitely off to a good start. The only thing I thought was off was the verb tense. You start off in the present, but then shift to the past. I don't care which way you write it, but you should stick to one. So far, though, you've captured my idea. Great work.

Cool a new story! I love how she's determined to swim in the lake! It leaves me wanting more! :)

This seems to be off to a good start! I liked the first chapter. It was a bit short but very easy to understand and written clearly. I especially liked the moment towards the end when she longed for the like; again, the emotions were straightforward and strong. I guess the only thing I could say for now is maybe more details? You don't seem to have any problem with making your writing flow, so adding more descriptions would help make it seem more full, and take it up to the next level. It seems very interesting so far. :)