This chapter was a bit fast-paced. Also, I feel like nobility would be more close-mouthed about the intrigues of the court...especially since the lords are all competing for the throne, why would one of them inform another lord's fiance about the state and dangers of the court? I feel as if that conversation would be more likely to take place between Yenü and (Lord) Arterben.

In any case, I'll be reading. :)

Very interesting, I can tell this will be a fun story to follow.

hi! nice to meet you!

firs time reading something on this website.

ok. Now my review(i'm portuguese so go easy on me): it's not a good ideia to start a story with a fight, basically you have losen yourself in the technicals and didn't discribe anything in great detail.(i have made that mistake too;)).i recomend that you rewrite de first capter.

sorry

You certainlly need more humour in the story, more juice. something to make our heaths beat with emotion! i was kinda starting to hate de girl in the end of the first capter. she was all i'm the good girl and you are the bad gay. kinda annoying if you know what i mean. anyway and in overall it's not so bad, you just need to work a little more at it. so good luck and if you want to answer me, my mail is: .

xoxo

lira

Tales of thieves and lords are just my thing...and since I read both chapters, it would only be polite to drop a review.

The story could definitely be polished to be a little more subtle (that'll probably happen when you go back and edit), but other than that, it's a great beginning!