|Reviews for The Raining King|
| julianmarq 8/23/12 . chapter 1
I quite liked this intro, moving on to the next chapter.
| ChibiSwag 7/26/12 . chapter 6
This is a good story. It's a lot of chapters (and not really my thing), but still good. I think your idea for the story is great, and it can be a fun thing to work with. i also like how it's sort of in a diary-like format.
R&R my story, you know if you feel like it and whatever.
| A Fire Rose 2/13/12 . chapter 1
Hey, there! So the first paragraph made me think the character was injured instead of asleep at first, but a reread clarified that. I like how the way you wrote this makes his brain seem fuzzy, like one would be in the early morning. I wasn't sure what the bus couldn't park in front of. Joe's house? I also like how this narrative is conversational without being overly simplified so far, or without detail. I love sensory detail - a lot. The umbrella vaguely surprised me, since most teenaged guys seem to forgo them, but that might not be the case with this character. Your descriptions, such as the one of Joe's house, are great. Not overdone, but enough to get vivid mental pictures in the right time. Looks like you have nailed the sociology of teens on the way to school so far. I have to be honest, I always mess up the sociology. My characters never act like normal people (my imagination runs away with them, I suspect). The one catch is that there is no mention of Joe going to the car. One line shows he's at the house, and he gets in the car in the next. You already showed something about him by saying he wasn't ready in time, as usual. Well-done. You also revealed something about his grandmother, which is good. One super small thing is that "uh huh" is usually "uh-huh." Should probably be a question mark after the first "okay" instead of an exclaimation point. You also have a quotation mark that should not be there. Not sure what a town's "forward thinking" has to do with the school population. You say the woman on stage is patronizing, but it would be better to have her act as such and let the reader decide whether or not she is. If you write it right, they will decide she is. Not sure what the dash is for after "along the lines of." I do like the survey example. And they expect the students to win ideas with blood? I like the snapshot descriptions of the school and the faces Kurt makes at his friends while doodling. The locker room's faults seem to give it character. Good idea. And the teacher nickname was a detail that would probably relate to most readers. The narratives in Kurt's head are entertaining, and the details of the town are pretty good. Same with the rain. I wasn't clear on how he got home from school. But I love the details of the characters, the town, the school - everything. Don't know much about Eli and Joe yet, or why Joe acted so weird about his grandma's mistake. And the chapter ended very abruptly, and without mentioning his mom's job. But all in all, I like this.