|Reviews for Thanks to Rachel Scott or Has God been by here?|
| Guest 12/2/12 . chapter 1
What do you have to say about bulling as a way teens release anger?
| Elena 10/17/12 . chapter 1
Needs more HP and Doctor Who. :P
| Musicwords 6/29/12 . chapter 3
I like this one.
It's short, but not in a bad way.
All the rhymes work.
Oh, lastly: You said grammar & spelling help would be nice,
but your spelling is perfectly fine & its poetry, doesn't grammar sort of defeat the point?
Well, I'm done & my songs over so.. Hopefully this helped!
Even if I'm a sucky beta reader XD
| Musicwords 6/29/12 . chapter 2
I'm too lazy to micromanage here, so i just have to say that this one is actually really good.
And it made me laugh at the end :D
| Musicwords 6/29/12 . chapter 1
Hi, you contacted my about the whole beta reading thing, so, here's my opinion.
Lines 1&2 These are both good :)
Line 3: Doesn’t really fit in with the rest, rhythm-wise and rhyming wise. (yanno, the two poetry words that thin they’re so cool & can randomly start with ‘rh’ for no reason )
Lines 4 & 5: so, line 4 has 7 syllables, and line 5 has 6... it's kinda awkward
Line 6: not really sure this fits in; perhaps if you ended it with 'ee' sound, it would work? Because then it would fit with line 3 and stuff.
789: so, like, you say the body swings, like he had hung himself, but then in lines 8&9, you say the clothing is wet, cut up in a bath. This implies that he bled out. I don't think i need to explain why this doesn't work...
And also, rhythm gets a bit weird with 'cut up in a bath'
Perhaps if you changed up the lines 8&9 you could do line nine as for *something* eyes to see.
10& 11 are good.
12 i don't understand & it just... doesn't fit. see above with the whole 'ee' thing? or perhaps make it so that you have 15 end with 'un' like this line?
13 and 14 are good :)
15 is a wee bit weird to read but its still good.
16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, are all good in my opinion.
22 & 24 work, but 23 is another awkward no-rhymy line. rhyme is a bit of an all or nothing thing, if you know what i mean :)
25 could fit with 23, like how 19 & 21 rhyme.
The last three lines are good, i like them c:
PS the whole quote at the end, i totally agree. I can't write for sh*t if i'm not depressed.
PPS I wrote this while listening to 'suicide season' by bmth. slight irony there, yes?
well, onto the next chapter!
| Guest 2/16/12 . chapter 1