|Reviews for DZ!|
| justrockzyxxx 5/5/13 . chapter 66
| Y. S. Wong 5/4/13 . chapter 32
"but what I really fear is her tongue." That's when I lost it.
I don't know if it's because it's been a while since I read DZ!, but the little bits of description sprinkled throughout are really great.
| Y. S. Wong 5/4/13 . chapter 31
Ah, the Puppeteer must be the Organizer's cousin or something. Loved the description this chapter.
| justrockzyxxx 4/27/13 . chapter 65
Smashing! You always impress me with your writing :)
| Argentum Vir 4/27/13 . chapter 65
Now that I’ve finished “DZ!” to current days, I suppose you’re due for my thoughts on what I think is relevant to your work.
Prose – 8/10: Clean and easy to read prose. While your bubbly attitude and upbeat tone really takes some time to get used to, I think it adds character to the story. The dialogue looks and sounds natural and the action tags are very well done. Overall, I think it’s right up there with other published authors.
Perspective 8/10: The third person omniscient works wonders in a plot so threaded and tied together. It lets you do so many things a singular perspective will not. You’ve come a long way from those first chapters, and I think you’ve really improved your style comparatively.
Action 7/10: To be honest, while I think your action flows right up there with your prose, some of your language made reading the scenes awkward. They’re very clean, but I think you could do a lot better with word choice and placement.
Believability 6/10: Definitely not the most believable fantasy story. Many fantastic settings that involve scientific elements are also closely written within the laws of physics. Pushing the boundaries is okay, but completely breaking the perceived laws is not (God Theory is the greatest offender). Now, if this were UZ! (Universal Zone) then I could believe it more. Universes can have their own laws of physics which could be very different from ours. In the UZ!, the place where all known Universes converge, laws of physics are almost meaningless and you could make them your playthings.
Although the above rings true to me, I think you have your mechanics down to the ‘T’. You have no obvious plot-holes and decent descriptions of talents and how they came to pass, as well as a varied cultured society.
Characters 6/10: To be honest, so far I dislike most of the characters. Miki is way too ditzy for my tastes. Eterno is much too broody. Really the only ones I like so far are Zero and Mira… actually for the same reasons too. This just comes down to taste, so even though I don’t like them, I think you’ve done a great job depicting them consistently.
Foreshadowing 7/10: You do some great foreshadowing, but I think a lot of what you have tends to reveal too much of the plot later. This would be fine if you were trying to make the reader understand while leaving the characters in the dark (Shakespearean foreshadowing/suspense), but you try very hard to keep the mystery to the reader.
Plot 8/10: The plot while flawed in terms of the last two categories is overall enjoyable. There’s no sobbing or gut wrenching moments, but there is plenty of mystery and allusion. To me, this can be just as enjoyable as something that tries to beat your soul into feels. I don’t really get a “been there, done that” vibe with DZ! so on that front you seem to have injected enough originality in the story.
Final score 7.1/10: I love how you’ve handled the plot and told the story. I think your action could use a little work despite being easy to read and follow. Believability needs some tweaking to make more sense, but you have it down fairly well. You have enough minor plot elements to keep the story going, but overall I think the plot is a too predictable in the beginning, and a little predictable in the later stages. So far I’ve really enjoyed it.
| Yuuenchi 4/27/13 . chapter 1
So, after reading up to chapter 60, I thought I'd take a break and put some reviews down, other than the one on chapter 59. I suppose it could be considered pointless to start over at chapter one when you've already written reviews for the latest chapters to come out, but I'm the master of pointless constructions, so here I go.
Overall, I think it's amazing that you have so much story to tell, even granted your custom of writing short chapters and spacing them out week by week. The weirdest part about this whole story though is, whereas it has taken you a year and some weeks to get to chapter 59. (or rather 64 at this point) only four days of actual storytime have passed since Miki entered the DZ. And then I came back to chapter 1 to write a review only to realize that according to your prologue, we've got to fill two weeks of material. How does your rabid little brain keep coming up with this, and run all the events and moderator functions at RAOSC?
| Yuuenchi 4/27/13 . chapter 62
Lemons and Sprite. Bad Kisho...bad Kisho. Your twisted sense of punning humour is beginning to show. You are rapidly making this not-so-little tale of yours addicting, you do know that right?
| Yuuenchi 4/27/13 . chapter 61
So, are you trying to lead us to a conclusion that Miki's Talent is Synergy? An ability to bring the Talents of widely disparate Denziens together to work on the task at hand? Well, even if it's not, I find it amazing how many people end up looking to Miki as a leader (which could mean that she has a Talent of Charisma, of bringing the right people to her when she needs them most). I think it's equally amazing, now that I think about it, how you're able to keep so many subplots unfolding before our eyes, and I must wonder, how far in advance have you really planned this story, o great one?
| Yuuenchi 4/27/13 . chapter 60
"but her reasonable side had never been very strong." I think this is the best line yet in the entire story, in terms of characterizing poor Miki. I wish her the best in finding the card, and her Talent, though at the same time, I'm hoping she doesn't become a complete clone of "Gakuen Alice" (since we don't have a character that Miki has gone ga-ga over ever since elementary school, I'm guessing we're safe on that score). And, for what it's worth...anchovies are way too salty, but radishes, as long as they're still crisp to the taste, sound wonderful on pizza!
| justrockzyxxx 4/27/13 . chapter 64
Really good! Makes me happy reading this :)
| Argentum Vir 4/25/13 . chapter 64
NO! I've run out of chapters to read. *Pouts* So far so good. My original niggles are moot now that I've read so far. To be honest, I think the only thing you could improve on is how you arrange your sentences. Sometimes they're just a little confusing to read.
| Argentum Vir 4/25/13 . chapter 61
Have I ever mention that I love reading Mira? Because I love reading Mira. As a computer geek, just reading about hacking gives me the gooseflesh.
| Argentum Vir 4/24/13 . chapter 47
Aaaandd this is where I must stop for the night. *Claps* So far, so good. Binge mode has been disengaged. To be honest, I think the plot at this point is a gigantic tangle of baloney... which is my favorite meat, It contains a mysterious ratio of several different types of meat. Each one of them blended together carefully in a vat of even more mysterious things. I don't exactly understand what is in it, but I know the basic components, and I know I enjoy the wonderful awesomeness of it. So far, your plot is the baloney of the sandwich. Soon, the pieces will fall even more into place.
| Argentum Vir 4/24/13 . chapter 37
"Oh, my arm's gone." That's the best line I've ever read. Holy crap, I nearly wet myself with laughter.
| Argentum Vir 4/24/13 . chapter 27
Wooo! Unidentified talent ho! Interesting. These types of stories are why I love anime, and manga. That little bit of extra mystery and impossibility.