|Reviews for and we'd remain quiet strangers|
| reejoy 1/21/13 . chapter 1
I like it :)
| magavakevin1 1/3/13 . chapter 1
Wow, I haven't read something this good in a long time. You do really well using the second person narration, and you somehow managed to encompass various ideas into this one subject of an ill meeting between a daughter and her mother.
There's really nice pacing, and I love the way you used the dinner/coffee meals/breaks as a catalyst for exploring the mind of the main character.
My only suggestion is that, although the personality and characterization, which really mobilizes and puts this story to action, I feel at some point the short sentences get redundant. I understand that it's meant for pacing and atmosphere, but as a friend of mine advised me, overusing the same tactics tears down it's effects. Aside from that though, nice revelation at the end. Feels as though I'm reading an intricate credo.
| squiggleline 11/24/12 . chapter 1
I really like this. There's a quiet strength to the narrator's voice and I get the sense that every single word has been carefully chosen. Describing a mother-daughter relationship is not easy and I admire how delicately you've done so in this piece.
Just two suggestions - make the nature of the relationship clear at the beginning (I thought it was a romantic relationship until the phrase "father's daughter") and add more concrete details. I like the list in the end ("You wash your car. You go to the movies. You visit your dad. You scrub down your apartment top to bottom") and wish you had continued throughout the piece. How do you "charge fearlessly" into "joy, anger, stress; all the high intensity emotions"? What are the volatile parts of your personality? How has your mother taken away so many experiences that one is supposed to have with their mother?
I really enjoyed this one. Thanks for sharing!
| daniellegypt 6/10/12 . chapter 1
I adored this point of view. I write in second-person as well, and I love how formulaic you made a lunch-outing seem. I also particularly loved the ending, "Unfortunately, you have Monday off too." Such a pleasure to read.
| A Fistful of Honesty 5/25/12 . chapter 1
I am quite surprised that this has only a single review, bar this one. It is an excellent story with everything I'm looking for in one - well written, captivating, original.
Although this is so short, it is perfect. I enjoyed reading every word.
| The Egg 2/15/12 . chapter 1
It is a shame that many readers on FP either consider well-formed and well-written paragraphs a waste of their time and internet bandwidth, then move along to songfics and school dramas, or they take the time to ingest and consider a work as emotive and meaningful as 'and we'd remain quiet strangers' then find themselves too spent to offer a worthwhile review. I have chosen to be neither of these types, and will proffer some critique.
If it isn't obvious by now that I greatly enjoyed your writing, I'm not sure how to make it more obvious. Your style is a breath of fresh air. Normally I feel like a grade school teacher, discovering so many spelling and grammar errors that it's impossible to appreciate the idea of the work, but this saved me such effort. I'm sure you know how appreciable it is that the effort you put into making correct your use of the English language saves your readership the effort of making it correct for you!
Consider changing the age rating, however. Very young children wouldn't understand the subject matter; the ratings concern more than cussing or sexuality, naturally, and it's a technicality but a valid point nonetheless that it would take a very unusual type of story in the Young Adult genre to be rated anything below 'T'.
Also, I do hope this is a short and you won't be adding more chapters. It's very poignant and "complete"-feeling as is, IMO.