|Reviews for Worlder|
| Flame Darkmoon 3/6/12 . chapter 1
This is a good story, I hope you update soon.
| rabbah 2/15/12 . chapter 1
Hinnigh... I see some cliche coming on...
Hokay, so first off, I see some changes with past/present tenses, specifically when you are describing a person. There are also some punctuation errors at times, but they can be ignored.
Second off... Well... Your main character looks a lot line a Mary Sue. Being that this is just the first chapter, there is a good chance of you de-Sueing her. She's beautiful, she has a rich friend, all guys fall for her, she has a magical item, has an unusual name, and is great at fighting. You can't exactly change the name, but everything else can be slowly changed.
Yuki. I'm not sure why a girl is named this unless she is Asian, and I'm pretty sure she wasn't meant to be.
Shin. A rich guy who fights just because he wants? Unusual. If he was raised rich, I don't think he would go out of his way to get all bloody and dirty when he could just pay for someone to.
Anyway, I am just suggesting some change, you don't need to if you don't want.