|Reviews for Bound|
| Shikibane 7/14/12 . chapter 3
Well that certainly escalated quickly.
The gore just sort of came out of nowhere, but you did a good job of it. It was quite vivid unfortunately. The gore you used, the situation, and the mutilation of one of your characters so early on reminds me of Gantz. Really makes me wonder if you plan to do a convenient reset like the author of Gantz.
Nice chapter, keep up the good work!
| Eytha 7/11/12 . chapter 3
This is definitely more violent and darker chapter, but I'm not sure that it goes into M territory. If this was illustrated I could see it going into Seinen, but as it is in text it is not extremely detailed to reveal the graphic nature of what is happening. A lot of it is just left up to the readers, so I think you should be fine.
I could not help but think of Gantz while I reading since the start as well the whole chapter has the sort of feel that anyone call die or at least be hurt. Though considering things, you probably won't be killing off the main characters. I did like that you were not afraid to injure someone seriously. I still get a feeling that like Gantz if you survive you are fully restored, though for different reasons. But if not, I'll be pleased. It will give a good edge to the story, especially if you keep up the tension that bad things can and will happen to keep the reader guessing.
The reveal of Sebastian's wish still felt a little inconclusive, since it does not appear that he had a downside to the wish he has made, in that he is not acting like he is regretting the situation that he has. I guessing more of it will be explained later, but as it stands you painted things for him as actually having worked out well for him unlike the others.
Overall, it was a solid chapter with good pacing and reveals. The introduction of more characters is keeping things fresh along with the survival game. I'll keep an eye out for this as you write more to see where things go. Keep up the hard work!
| Eytha 7/10/12 . chapter 2
Back for another review. A lot of the stuff played out how I expected, but definitely a good telling of making a pact with a devil with the results always being something that you will end up regretting. Probably the best example lately is the Madoka anime, which does a really great job of twisting wishes. I'm liking the direction that you're taking things and introducing more characters, something that seemed likely.
The fact that they all go to the same school seemed like quite the coincidence, but given that they all have dealings with Kenji it makes sense that it could easily be him manipulating things for his own enjoyment. Still it is also a good away to get them all together, though it might have also been good seeing them all when they have to faced their consequences.
I liked that you kept one of their wishes a secret for now while still providing small details on what the wish related to. It leaves a good a little mystery to keep the readers coming back.
The chapter jumps around a lot to the new characters introduced. It is pretty quick at times, but with what is going on it is better that way since a lot of it is introductions and settings things up. It could have easily felt dragged out with it building to the ending you have at the chapter. So even though it is quick, the pacing still felt right for what you were doing.
The only other comment I had was that Haruko's conversation with Runko seemed a little out of character. It felt a little harsher, but the only other interactions we have of her are with Reiko. So maybe it would be how she acts around others. I don't know, just felt a little weird.
Overall, another good chapter building on what you've already started. You've kept the good development with twisting wishes, though what part of Sebastian's was twist remains to be seen. A good cliffhanger to what you've been building towards. Keep up the hard work!
| Eytha 7/10/12 . chapter 1
Sorry for the delay. Overall impressions of the story so far tells me that you have an interesting premise and start. I can see the places where you were trying to work in the anime/manga feel to scenes, especially at the start. Which had very strong vibes, enough that you even call yourself out on it. A nice a little touch of humor and self-awareness.
I won't comment at length about it unless you wish, but I did notice a number of spelling and grammar mistakes throughout the story. It was nothing that stopped me from understanding what you were going for, but they stood out enough for me to see them.
The chapter was structured well with a good pull at the beginning, definitely very strong anime/manga opening there. It could easily be said to be cliche, if you watch enough, but there is a reason it is used. You add in mystery and questions very early getting the reader wondering which direction things will go and what significance it will have on the story. Very important elements to get your reader doing as early as you can.
Contrasting back with a more normal element along with the main character helps to ground things as well lead into the story proper. So good flow through that. About the only thing that slows things down is the detailed description of the character's appearance/wardrobe. I have a habit at times of getting a little heavy on it, but it felt very dense even though they were all pretty short. A lot of details were put into a single sentence many times. So each sentence felt very heavy. You may want to space them out into a couple more sentences or seed them a little throughout the narrative, something I've started adopting. So you still get them, but aren't all rushed by them at once.
The rest of the pacing of the chapter is good moving back and forth with the two lines of the plot. It kept things fresh so that when something died down you switched over without the reader getting bored. And it keeps the anticipation going of knowing that the lines will eventually cross.
The mother's quick switch at the end felt a little abrupt. I could see where you were going and you needed her mother to be willing to work with her daughter and accept what was going on. A little more of an exchange between them to have them find common ground would help to even out the change in motive for the mother.
I think you have a good start and a very interesting idea here. I'll be interested in seeing the consequences of the actions and where you care things from here. Keep up the hard work!
| Boomerkid 7/10/12 . chapter 3
Nice to be able to read a new chapter much earlier! Finally we get to see some action, though it's very bloody, but as you know, I'm definitely alright with it. [Evil smirk]
Aaah, character interactions. I am happy to see how the characters get along with one another, and how they react to different situations, definitely sets up for character development. However, I feel that the part where Runko has an outburst against Reiko seems a little forced.
And while I'm cool with bloodthirsty Tommy and Amy, they seem a little . . . I don't know, bland in personality? They are crazy killers I know, but what do they have in them other than that? However, I'm sure you'll be able to nail these characters down as time goes by. [Grins with a thumbs up]
With all that said, Favorited! (Because I forgot to much earlier) Keep on writing and I'm looking forward to more. The plot is really starting to unravel, isn't it? With more experience comes improvement. Cheers!
| Hug-Chan 6/30/12 . chapter 3
Thanks for reviewing my story! :3
Anyways, it's nice that you posted a new chapter in a month. For me, a month goes by so fast I don't even have time to update. So now I try to at least a paragraph in every day.
Enough of me...this chapter is mysterious. Tommy and Amy, I think, are a bit like Kenji except more bloodthirsty. But Akira seems pretty harmless, so I trust him right now. Actually, the way Reiko reacted to him, it's like they're gonna hook up in the future! But that's just a hypothesis
| Lolitroy 6/15/12 . chapter 1
Ah... what to say?
This is one of the few long stories I've read that hasn't bored me and that I've actually liked. First of all, the plot. It is interesting, and I can't wait to know more about Kenji and the whole story behind the "contract". :D The only thing is that I got kinda puzzled because... Well, what did Kenji win in all of this?
Well, you got a few grammar mistakes and you lack the comma button in most cases. But as people practice their writing becomes better. I can't wait for the upcoming chapters hehe :D
P.S. Thnx a bunch for reviewing my (weird) story :D
| zZTaigaz 6/9/12 . chapter 1
This story was very interesting and suspenseful! I loved the descriptions that were given in order for one to imagine and visualize the settings and/or characters. Kenji had this sinister aura that made me question his true motives. I have taken a huge liking to him. The dramatic flames that slowly killed everything in its path was unexpected...it was something that I was not prepared for!
Anyway, I hope you continue to write more and keep up with the good work! d(_o)
Also thank you for reviewing my story. I never thought my first story would be as good as you reviewed it to be but I guess a reader opens up a whole new world than what the writer sees.
| UltimateGraysonFan 5/25/12 . chapter 2
This is really amazing. I can't wait for the next chapter!
| DevilAngelOnria 5/18/12 . chapter 2
I really like this idea about desires and such... It was a bit confusing at the beginning of chapter 2, but it all cleared up during the story. I've never really liked this sort of genre, however I do find this interesting and catchy. I like how you pictured Kenji, you know as a bit insane, but I really wonder about him and this girl Amaya. There could be a subplot where kind of gradually sucks her sanity, until it becomes like a yandere love, where she even kills people for his sake. Anyway, I really hope continue this.
| Boomerkid 5/13/12 . chapter 2
Thank you and your welcome! Reviewing this from uni, and I guess I'll have to get back to listen to those theme songs. I just can't get enough listening to anime music.
So now we have a trio of these 'special children'. Wonder what Kenji's gonna do with 'em. Sure smells sinister. I bet you'll do a great job with developing these character relationships, since you've done really well with introducing them so far. Looks like action is afoot as well!
Your writing has good flow, easy to read which is good. I admit you could use some commas in your dialogue. And the dialogue itself could have a bit more color, as in more distinct styles of speaking for each character, as well as sounding more natural. But I still enjoyed this chapter nonetheless.
Looking forward to more!
| Hug-Chan 5/13/12 . chapter 2
Anyways, Kenji is an interesting person. I don't really know what to think of him. I sort of like him, sort of don't.
Runko is quickly becoming my favorite character! I think it's because she had a lot of hardships. And she's constantly sick all the time.
The name Sebastian reminded me of Black Butler :3
| Mad-Matty 5/13/12 . chapter 1
Omg, continue... Enough said.
| Shikibane 4/5/12 . chapter 1
Favorited. I'm so intrigued by this story, especially Kenji. He's such an enigmatic character, I can't even tell whether he'll be the antagonist or some sort of ally!
There were a couple of little typos on the negative side, but I enjoyed the story overall. The content is very unique, unlike anything I've ever read before and I love your attention to the little details in your characters' lives. Keep up the good work!
| Boomerkid 3/17/12 . chapter 1
Hello there! Nice to see that you've come up with your own work on FP as well! ) I've delayed saying this, but thanks for the fav and alert!
All right then. I guess I'll get to reviewing this story here.
Well, who doesn't start of with praises first? p
First off, kudos on descriptions! Short and sweet, but still manages to give the readers a clear picture of the setting, character details, and especially the events that unfolded.
Your characters are dynamic enough to allow the reader to relate to them, and you don't wholly bind them to stereotypes. This is how I mostly get immersed into the work of other people, the lovely characters and how I love to see them change as the story progresses!
Third, we have the psychological aspect of your fiction. It has promising depth and you've especially done well with portraying the-cool-guy-sitting-on-top-of-the-tower's notions. A darker-themed fiction does rely quite a bit on this aspect. I really like to see the characters' sentiments as they drive the events of the story. Your characters have that, and the events don't happen senselessly. So big props for that!
I don't have much criticisms (I just can't find it within myself to severly critique people's work). But maybe I could give some of my opinions that may help out with your story and writing. )
First off. I think a few dialogue tags are too explicit. The part where you have two of your characters' dialogues tagged with 'he/she lied' isn't really needed, for we readers can sort of get the idea as we see the details concerning the event. (The expressions on the characters, their dialogue, etcetera)
Dude on tower is written to have a mysterious aura around him, so explicit dialogue tags like mentioned above could impinge the potrayal of his character. (I just can't help but imagine myself sitting on top of Tokyo Tower and looking down on everyone with the breeze blowing against me. So I'll call him that to withhold his name. XD)
We may want to 'show' certain things about the character to the reader, not 'tell' them. We could also want to withhold some details or make them more implicit for certain events.
Then again, you've done really well on 'showing' in your writing. Of course some telling is needed, so don't worry about that. ) (I was a great offender of unneeded explicit writing when I first started, so don't worry.) Man, those pointers were quite long. I think I went a little (WAY) off topic, but oh well.
Secondly, there's just a little pointer on format. Thoughts don't need to have inverted commas. (I did make this mistake whilst writing my fic, so I really shoudn't be telling you this, but well... XD) You can italicize them, and once the reader reads the content, they can tell that it is one of the character's thoughts.
You could think about using italicized words to present inward character monologue (not sure if this is the right term) as well. I think Reiko's 'narration' will do well like this without having the need for a tab. But then again, I respect your writing style, and it's all up to you. )
Everyone makes some spelling and grammar mistakes when writing. So I don't need to touch up on that. XD I'm a bigger offender though, so don't worry. Proofreading does help, but it's so hard for a writer to spot his own mistakes!
As you can see, I write really long messages (like my chapters) but I hope my review helps! Writing is diverse, and there's no one best way to write. Stay true to your writing style, and I'm really looking forward to reading more!