|Reviews for Missing|
| Do Play With Fire 7/27/12 . chapter 2
This is pretty interesting so far.
| Alaeryel 7/4/12 . chapter 17
Lala-I DO NOT want to see this story end-it is a SWEET, BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT little story! I will really miss these characters and their adventure! The scene you wrote when their uncle and dad saw them and their mother/aunt's reaction was just poetically done! You are ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT and CREATIVE!
| Alaeryel 7/2/12 . chapter 16
Lala-NOOOOOOOO! I am not ready for this to END! My curiosity is ABSOLUTELY KILLING ME! I want to know everything-If I guess something will you tell me? This Genevieve-is she Vincent and Brittney's daughter? Only a guess but will wait for the answer! BRILLIANT CHAPTER but I felt so bad for Vincent especially after Brittney told him she loved him! BEAUTIFULLY DONE!
| Alaeryel 7/1/12 . chapter 15
SORRY Lala-got to engrossed with the story and just couldnt bear taking time from reading the rest of the chapters! BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN and AMAZING, MAGNIFICENT story! I cannot wait for more but will have to -THANK YOU for a WONDERFUL STORY!
| Alaeryel 6/30/12 . chapter 9
OH HOT DAMN what a chapter here Lala! What happens now? MYSTERY-I LOVE IT! Can hardly wait to find out and KNOW MORE! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!
| Alaeryel 6/30/12 . chapter 6
OH THIS IS SOOOOOO GOOD! I LOVED this chapter and my HEART goes out to Vincent and the girl! QUITE A STORY here Lala need to read more-can't get enough!
| Alaeryel 6/30/12 . chapter 4
I am enjoying this story though I am somewhat confused. It is QUITE INTERESTING and my heart goes out to Vincent-it just doesn't seem fair! I have pretty much figured out that the cousins and the group they joined-those others walked through some kind of portal! Well on to the next chapter!
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 6/20/12 . chapter 14
Something about Vincent's heart problem makes him much more likeable. I'm not sure what. Nice job-update soon!
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 6/7/12 . chapter 13
Never, EVER post something you just wrote at 3 am. I'm not saying there's something majorly wrong here, but if you write something out of your usual frame of mind, it's a good idea to re-draft it. I used to stay up until two AM writing chapters and then I'd post them without proper revision. Your quality will definitely improve if you take the time to rewrite. And don't think this doesn't apply to you.
Unless you don't care how polished your work is, and this isn't something your interested in doing long-term.
Good development of plot and conflict here. Yes, there is good drama.
One last thing: the A/N in the middle of the story. it isn't quite breaking the fourth wall, since it isn't the characters acknowledging that this is just a story. Putting an A/N midstory is jarring to the readers; it sucks them out of the whole world of the story. It's also completely unnecessary here, you could just put a scene break and nobody'd care. Well, it would probably work better in narrative summary to validate Drew's reaction. But really, anything is better than saying that there's another scene here that you didn't write.
I'm not ripping you or anything, sorry if you think I'm being too critical. :/
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 5/15/12 . chapter 12
Oh noes! Big decision time!
(did i misspell decision o well)
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 5/7/12 . chapter 11
Hm. Interesting paradox with the camera. Really interesting.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 4/30/12 . chapter 10
I still love Vincent.
I'm a little concerned that you don't have enough conflict in this chapter- nobody's really afraid of anything or upset, so it kinda comes off as canned? That's my interpretation anyway.
Keep updating. You got it.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 4/5/12 . chapter 9
Oooh, Vince screwed up. LOL.
I like this chapter. Good job.
One thing: the note should be italicized, or at least in quotations. To differentiate it from the narration.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 3/29/12 . chapter 8
"And yeah, maybe the whole 'When I saw you I just wanted to protect you' line was really cheesy, but the point of them asking questions was to tell the truth. And that was the truth. What was he supposed to say? 'I'm a selfish jerk who is only helping you because then you'll owe me.'? Sure, it didn't sound cheesy, but it did sound rude, and it wasn't the truth."
Is it just me, or was that line directed at me? O.o
Saying "cheesy" line was true doesn't make it any less cheesy, I'd just like to point out. It's the way you say things that make them cheesy. Not what they are.
At least you're responding to criticism. Most people just say "OMG THAT MAKES MUCH SENSE THANK YOU FOR REVIEW ME!" and then go and make the same damn mistakes all over again. So. Thank you for that.
Keep working. You got it. *pulls out pom-poms*
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 3/24/12 . chapter 7
Nothing wrong with flashbacks, just don't refer to them as flashbacks in the actual story. When you have some random memory, do you say, "I just had a flashback"? Not likely, most people would say, "I was just remembering my father". It makes your writing less realistic and more gimmick-y. Look at me, making up another word. Cheers.
Keep workin hard. No complaints, other than using the word "flashback" in two places. That's only two words that I don't like out of what, *checks email alert* 1,026? Nice job.