|Reviews for Reboot|
| cnelsonqc 7/7/12 . chapter 18
Loving the story so far. Always nice to see a good time travel yarn.
| Ed Harley 7/6/12 . chapter 1
Great title and description; the story starts off with a great hook. After he made the transition to the past there is something that bothered me.
The hero seems far too accepting and adaptable. Perhaps you could show more fear and confusion at least for the first day or so. A religious person might wonder if they are in heaven or hell. Another might think they’re in a coma or nightmare, or doubt his sanity.
I think if this happened to me it would be shaking in the corner time, not worrying about school time! Especially after seeing people who are supposed to be dead, shouldn’t he be absolutely terrified, maybe not even wanting them to touch him.
Btw- I liked the technical jargon and the showing off at school scene but I thought that he shouldn’t be like that on the first day.
| ashoutinthedark 5/10/12 . chapter 16
Ok, so I just caught up with you after finding this yesterday. My first impression is that it is very well written nearly devoid of grammatical and spelling mistakes. Your story is well written, easily allowing people to see exactly what picture you are painting for us. The idea is one I have not seen written before, and very intriguing to follow. I can't wait to see more.
| readingronc 5/9/12 . chapter 16
Like it. A 6 year old with an adult mind , from the future . Write fast , I signed up so I could say thanks!
| Persnickety Fox 5/6/12 . chapter 1
I like the idea so far. That said, there were grammar issues in this chapter that made the story hard to read. It's not that I couldn't understand the content, it's just that the execution had consistent problems, especially with punctuation. The errors were so frequent they made it difficult for me to continue reading.
There's a lot of en dashes (the short ones) used in this chapter. Their use isn't exactly grammatically correct. When it comes to thought breaks, it's better to replace en dashes with the longer em dashes. Fictionpress does allow em dashes so if you ever plan to replace the chapters with revised ones, the new dashes will show up fine. If for some reason you can't use em dashes, you can also use two hyphens without spaces next to the words and those would work, too.
On the other hand, there are places where em dashes should not be used. Dashes are usually used to add drama, making the statement after the dash important. If there are too many dashes in a single sentence, they make the writing convoluted and hard to read, like here:
[Ever hear the expression – "My life passed before my eyes." – well – suddenly I had TWO lives in front of me – the life I had live – the one in which I had lived to the age of fifty-five, and another life- apparently this one – where things had gone somewhat differently, and apparently, I was having my sixth birthday…and it was 1963.]
There are some places where the dashes are better off removed and replaced with more appropriate punctuation, like this: Ever hear the expression, "my life passed before my eyes?" Well, suddenly I had two lives in front of me: the life I had, the one in which I had lived to the age of fifty-five, and another life-apparently this one-where things had gone somewhat differently. And apparently, I was having my sixth birthday... and it was 1963.
Breaking up the sentence with appropriate punctuation makes the statements easier to follow.
[*MOM?*] Fictionpress also allows italic font. Capitalizing words and keeping asterisks around words for emphasis makes the writing look a little unprofessional. It's better to avoid the asterisks completely, capitalize entire words sparingly, and just stick to italics for needed emphasis.
[…I Jumped up] The word "jumped" should not be capitalized. There are a few places where words are not supposed to be capitalized and a few places where they should be, like here: ["Uh, just a little dizzy, father."]
When calling someone by their family title, the title should be capitalized like a name. But the titles are not capitalized when not they are not treated as names. Case in point, "my father" is not "my Father." If Father is referred to as the father, your father, my father, his father, it's not capitalized.
There are also punctuation mistakes in the dialogue. Some things are done well, like starting a new paragraph each time a person speaks or not capitalizing a dialogue tag when it doesn't need it. But I see that the punctuation is inconsistent, especially inside the dialogue. I can't explain all of the rules in this one review but a Google search on dialogue grammar rules should help. There are lovely resource websites that have good explanations and examples.
I'm learning Japanese right now, and I'm sorry to mention this, but the spelling for a few Japanese words is off. Choto mate is "chotto matte," Okasan is "Okaasan," and Otosan is "Otousan." It's subtle, and I guess it's a little hard to distinguish if you go by ear, but it makes a difference when it's written out. ちょとまて著と待て、 ちょっとまってちょっと待って、 おかあさんお母さん、 おかさん犯さん おとうさんお父さん、おとさん音さん. See how the misspelling doesn't carry the same meaning? It's a minor nitpick, and I guess the people reading this who don't know Japanese might not notice at all, but accuracy is something to keep in mind. It might help to double-check romaji before posting. Just in case.
All in all, the grammar and spelling were the only off-putting things for me. Still, they were big issues: if I didn't like the premise so much, I would have stopped reading entirely and moved on to another story. I don't want to discourage you by admitting that; I just want to warn you to watch out for grammar rules. The readability of a story could make or break a first-time reader's decision to keep reading. With better execution, this chapter will read more smoothly and coherently. With some needed polishing, it will be an even stronger hook than it is now.
Speaking of which, I like the idea of a 55-year-old man with a bleak present going back to his childhood and showing off his experience. It's rather funny and I'm interested to see what happens next. Keep writing!
| Kriskascini 4/30/12 . chapter 14
Your AN made me so sympathetic... I used to write fan fiction and no matter how many views I got (usually lots) people just didn't take the time to review. It would drive me up the walls. I think it's going great. The story is only getting more interesting and entertaining the further you go down and really that's all I can ask for. I'd like to see how far he can stretch the "I just remember it, but I don't know why" rubber band before it snaps back.
| mackalexd307 4/27/12 . chapter 11
I love this story! I lovingly hate this site because when I find a good story they're positively fucking badass but it takes forever to find them. I spent an hour looking for a story, found yours and then it took me about 20 minutes to read the whole thing. So I have a recommendation for you, UPDATE NOW!
| Nadie2 4/15/12 . chapter 11
Very good! I like the way your main charactor has thought about time travel issues before this experience. I also liked how he could change the time line...but not completely. I'm excited to see what happens next, if he is able to change his father's life drastically or not. I also like the way he was trated as a gifted child. So often when you have someone that is that gifted the teachers do not know what to do with them. Often get into even more trouble then your protagonist did! I have a friend who set the library on fire as a third grader. I blame the school they told him to go amuze himself in the library since he could finish his work in like fifteen minutes. He was doing a science expirament, and he started a fire. He put it out, and was devistated, becuase he burt Shakespear. Anyway, the point is alot of gifted kids get into trouble since they are so bored.
| Kriskascini 4/15/12 . chapter 10
I am quite pleased with this work. It is both of easy, light reading, as it is intellectually stimulating.
I find myself curious on what inspired you to create the characters and admire your level of research. I will follow it avidly from now on.
Much reverence, Kris
| cypress16 4/12/12 . chapter 1
Wow, I just found this story this morning. I had just finished your latest story about the 101st. I'm about 8k into writing a very similar storyline, just add seven years at both ends. We're thinking along very similar tracks...multiverse explanation and all...the I pod though, I'm not sure of...I have left the teen me with no link back.
I did worry about how much of the 'change' to disclose to parents in the OTL. I ended up spitting it all out and not being believed.
I certainly hope you plan on continuing the story!
Oh, just for fun I threw in a gender change for the teen me...helps with the teen angst.
| Takano-Isorokyu 2/25/12 . chapter 5
The Dead Bard - I'd PM directly, but your PM feature is disabled.
I'll try to keep the Military Lingo to a minimum, or explain it...but please, you or anybody else, PM on the parts you don't understand...some of it, like the Drill sequence...well, I'm trying to set up that Steve DOES know his stuff...kind of hard, in my opinion, to make that sequence much simpler - although I'm open to suggestion.
I'll be minimizing much of that from here on - it was more of a stage setter - drill is a far more complex performance art than anybody that has not done it, can comprehend.
Saying "Drill is buncha stupid people marching while somebody yells at them." is about like saying "ballet is a bunch of skinny women in skimpy dresses dancing on their toes"
In other places - what can I say, English was NOT first language. It's been my primary language for close to fifty years, but I still have trouble with grammar and tenses at times.
But I'm open to modifying explanations of the parts you don't get...at least in the narrative.
"PCS" and "TDY" are, essentially, words, not just TLAs - three letter acronyms.
One Sergeant speaking to another is going say "I'm going TDY" not "I'm assigned to a Temporary Duty Deployment" or "I'm on a business trip for the military"
| Svfn 2/25/12 . chapter 1
I realy liked this. It takes something particularly speical to write so well in first person, atleast in my opinion, it either makes or breaks a peice and here it surely made it. The charector is likeable and realistic, the information seems all proffesional and I must say the time line realy adds something cool. It seems some writers are afraid to write for older/younger charectors but you nailed it!
Only a few things I noticed error-wise, a few simple type-oes here and there but nothing incoherent. In particular there was this line here: I almost got myself in problems that first day…the first of many times I had to remember that what *I* was, was a six year old here.
Just a simple double was, was. Rather simple errors, no big deal.
Anyway I love it so far and look forward to reading more! Thank you for posting it, it is an enjoyable read thus far.
| The Dead Bard 2/25/12 . chapter 1
The plot of the story is really interesting, but without the military lango being explained or dumbed down to civilian terms, most (if not all) of it is going straight over my head. It's still an alright story though.