|Reviews for Beneath The Burning Sky|
| Lynn K. Hollander 11/24/12 . chapter 2
'... his disbelief of anything the Witch said born only by an age old hate between their two races. He raised a large grey hand, tinged blue, and ran it over his short black hair, the thick**figures** of his other hand tightening on the hilt ... .' Is it the disbelief that is born? Very awkward. -try something on the order of: '...the age old hatred between their two races inclined him to disbelieve anything she said...' What 'figures' are on his other hand? Or did you mean 'fingers'?
'"I have never said I disagree with and alliance ' -'an alliance', not 'and', which makes no sense here.
'...the thought on all fourteen members of the council of Nine... .' The thought **OF** all fourteen...
blond/blonde -blondes are usually female; blonds are male; brunet/brunette are also sex-linked.
'...a chorus **or** agreement ...' Try: '...a chorus **OF** agreement... .'
"May I present to you, my apprentice Topher Marlson, you shall be the first of us to join -very awkward. The person/s addressed seem to switch in mid-sentence, shifting from the council to the apprentice. Try making two separate sentences here.
There's inconsistent spelling, missing punctuation, erratic capitalization, cluttered and awkward sentences and possible simple typos. Try reading this aloud; that sometime helps a author notice infelicities of diction or construction.
| Lynn K. Hollander 7/26/12 . chapter 1
This is awkward, very rambling and repetitive. There are run-on sentences, sentence fragments, noun-plural/possessive problems, misspellings and a general air of not being proofread. This needs work.
| Krazyreader 5/1/12 . chapter 1
Love the story update soon :) and please check out my story Fire the enemy is Ice