This was really good! It was very discriptive and had good suspense during the last chapter. Can't wait to read more (if this isn't the end).

I see your potential! :D this was very well done. It makes me want to read more. Good work! X

A good start. I only have a couple of suggestions. The beginning paragraph could be revised slightly. You need to spice up your word choice; the words touch, music, and sing are used too often. Also, from the description in the first paragraph, the reader does not know that we are currently inside the house, so it's a little confusing when the girl suddenly walks out of her bedroom in the next scene. You need to clarify the location in the very beginning.

As for strengths, I love the sensory information you included; sound, sight, touch, smell...it's all there. Great work. The last phrase, too, is very haunting and captivating; a great use of foreshadowing! You're sure to entice your audience to read further with an ending like that.

Your humble servant,

Doves