|Reviews for To Meet and Greet and Fade Away|
| Faithless Juliet 10/9/12 . chapter 1
I think this scenes does a good job at accurately portraying how awkward personal exchanges of this nature can be. I hate to say it but in this day and age when a stranger starts up a conversation in a setting like this most people’s natural reaction is to ignore them, and I think you did a great job at showing Aetheria’s mood in that way. I can’t really blame her, I feel like if I were in her shoes I would act the same way, not mean/rude but dismissive.
Although I like the scene, and I think it’s well written I feel like you didn’t do enough to show anything ‘special’ about this moment. I got to the end expecting a revelation of some sort but nothing was really there. Maybe I’m missing something but I feel like you wanted to show the reader that even in the most miniscule aspects these two people had some sort of connection. But, maybe it’s just me *wanting* to have them make a connection and your intention was to just show the normal/randomness of the moment. Either way I enjoyed the read through.
| Dr. Self Destruct 6/25/12 . chapter 1
I thought the opening narration was too description heavy, because you went out of your way to describe what the characters looked like in the opening listing, so I just didn't see why you would take the time to describe what they look like again in the opening scene when I already know. It felt repetitive.
[Directly in front of the train station is The Magazine Seller selling magazines,]
I also thought the 'selling magazines' was unneeded since it's pretty clear by his name what he's doing, haha.
You also mix your present and past tense during the narrative parts, which is distracting and a little confusing. I'm pretty sure you intend this to be told in present tense, so I suggest going back through and taking a second look at your tenses. Also, there's a lot of spaces missing. I know the document manager can eat those (it does to me sometimes) but it's easy to go back through after you've uploaded it and fix them before updating the chapter itself.
| this wild abyss 6/24/12 . chapter 1
I like that you set up the scene so carefully, as it was easier to create an image in my head of what exactly was happening. I didn't like your dialogue because it seemed stiff at times and didn't flow consistently.
| Guest 6/18/12 . chapter 1
With Aetheria's first few bits of dialogue on the train, I felt it a tad awkward to envision but I think it's just because of me personally-I only talk to myself like that when I don't think anyone is around. Yet she's doing it in public. So it came off as her doing it because she's in a play and needs to say things out-loud instead of think it. But the only out of place comment was the line about the acrylic inks and bringing them. That felt odd to me to say aloud publicly.
..interrupt several other conversations…except an argument that was... [I don't ever see these ellipses used in plays (though I have more experience with screenplays) except for in dialogue etc. Or, at least I don't see them using in descriptions like this. So maybe omit?]
[not quite looking up:]Sorry about that. [Just a typo, missing a space there]
[shrugging and shouldering her bag:]It didn't... [same as above]
The content for me fell flat (as in the message of the piece), and I wasn't particularly interested in the conversation going on between Harry and Atheria, but I think you did a great job with Harry's accent, I envy you for that because it's something I couldn't do! and I liked how the two were so different and you put them together in a situation, that was a good pairing and it was intriguing. But it fell flat for where the action and falling action was. For a scene it works well, especially if it was part of a larger piece, stand alone, I wanted more time for the conversation to flourish, the point to be built up, made, and brought winding down to a close.
I think you created a good atmosphere with this and it was well crafted. I really liked the setting and the descriptions of the hubbub going around, and the way the background noise was so well set up. The whole setting was spot-on for me, I could hear the noises in my head. I think it works in your favor since your descriptions are always very detailed, so this was a good moment of the work showing that talent too. You definitely have a knack for plays, this was well written and the writing was great. I'd like to see you with another one that perhaps challenged me more, but that isn't to say I didn't like seeing your strengths play in this either. I'm glad I caught this in the games, I've been curious!
| Kharmaoftherainbow 6/15/12 . chapter 1
So I must admit that I was a little hesitant about reviewing a play because the last time I read one I'm pretty sure it was in high school.
But once I started reading I couldn't stop! I really enjoyed the entire premise - people-watching is something of a hobby of mine and the mundane nature of the actual action going on combined with Aetheria's concentrations was really fascinating.
The dialogue seemed very awkward and forced at first, but it might just be because there's an inherent duty within play dialogue to carry so much more than with other works. Either way, you might either want to establish Aetheria's sort of removed-ness more clearly or make her dialogue more relatable at first.
Another thing I really enjoyed was the setting. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the sort of theme of isolation in conjunction with the tree was sort of reminiscent of Waiting for Godot. It gave the whole piece a very nice "feel" - sorry I can't be more exact about that, but it's one of those things that's very difficult for me to describe.
When I think of this in terms of being performed, the only suggestion I would maybe make is to put a little more in about the rest of the crowd. You know how you get small snatches of busy conversation when you sit in a crowded area? If you could put a bit more in terms of snatches in (not full interactions like between the child and his mother) it might work well.
Just my suggestions. I was very pleasantly surprised by this, and you've definitely changed the way I look at plays on FP.
| professional griefer 6/14/12 . chapter 1
I loved the last line, having the whole conversation then reincorporating something I thought was useless was very amusing. One thing about your plays that always bothers me is that your dialogue is a bit stiff, while Harry felt natural, Aetheria felt like a young adult from a few centuries ago using modern words.
But really great job on Harry. His dialect is great, and you characterize him really well from just this short scene. Because Aetheria was so stiff and awkward, at least in my opinion, I couldn't get her.
But altogether, nice work.
| dragonflydreamer 6/14/12 . chapter 1
I really appreciate how seemingly aimless this is. It almost breeches on absurdism in the ideas it discusses even though the progression of the dialogue is pretty logical. I've seen a lot of works on this site discussing art, but I like how you approached this, especially how you tied it in with a broader picture of stopping to appreciate life. Harry was an interesting character to convey this message since he doesn't appear to be a very deep person at first. There's a great atmosphere to this, too, with all the background characters. Even though I can't always discern the meaning, I feel like each character presented and each line spoken was written with a very particular intention. Nice work!
| OneOriginalThing 6/14/12 . chapter 1
I thought this play-script-story was really cute, I wasn't really expecting a script, and anything else. I thought it was a bit humorous. I feel like there are much to many holes in the story fo rig to be actually complete. I don't really entirely understand what this story is supposed to be about. I don't understand what Harry is saying t all. I really wish I did, because it sounds like he has a bunch of important things to say. Overall I liked it,even if I don't think it's entirely complete yet.
| M.K Johnson 4/9/12 . chapter 1
i really enjoyed this play its admirable how you were able to stick to the original theme of a meet greet and fade away i know i wouldve been to tempted to build a real relationship for the characters lol great writing tho
| Asarikou-chan 4/5/12 . chapter 1
I really liked this play. I am not fan of plays but it was really good. The description of the place and the interaction of the characters. That was really good.
Life is certainly weird and deserves living if things are always happening. The end point was quite good...The repetition of the cyclic life. Harry's speech\accent along with how he looks at the world was an interesting perspective. Aetheria was kinda different. Didn't read about a character in her personality. That was quite fun. A scene of life. Neat ...