|Reviews for Endearing Sentimentality|
| pommeG03 3/24/13 . chapter 3
Interesting concept, and I'd like to see where you are going with the story, but I think you jump around between persectives a little too freely. Also, perhaps these three chapters could be merged into one? They're a little too short, and lacking in detail to be on their own.
| Dreamers-Requiem 4/18/12 . chapter 3
Again, I think the chapters are too short for the reader to get any handle on the plot or characters. Considerputting this and previous chapters together; this, i felt, was especially jumpy. It seemd to move too quickly from the end of the last chapter to this one. Like I said before, too, less is more; things like [Angela questioned demandingly with indignation.] can really be cut down to just (Angela questioned.) or (Angela questioned, demandingly) although I do feel like that word is just...it's an awkward word. I would suggest cutting down on the uses of (...), too, as they are used quite a lot. Just a few suggestions - hope they help.
| Dreamers-Requiem 4/13/12 . chapter 2
Like I said with the first chapter, this feels too short and too jumpy. It's hard to get to know the characters, or feel anything for them, when it jumps suddenly between the two. Especially without any scene breaks to indicate to the reader that there is going to be a switch. ["Essence Library will be tentatively closed] 'tentatively' doesn't sound right there; maybe drop it? I found a lot of the sentences to be overly wordy, such as [Her interpretation of the such information coming from no clear source clouded her mood with unwelcomed premonition.] It might read better if you simplify it. A lot more can be said in fewer words.
| Dreamers-Requiem 4/4/12 . chapter 1
I feel like this is just too short to really catch the interest of the reader. As an opening chapter, it lacks the hook to keep someone reading. As well, it's a bit jumpy, moving from the girl to the guy and back to the girl - it can make it a bit confusing, and as a reader, I feel like I don't know enough about either of them to, again, keep me reading. I think if you expanded the opening, revealed a bit more about the characters and introduced a hook, a bit of conflict or something to drive the plot forward, it could be a much stronger opening. Just a suggestion, hope it helps!