I like this because it is really true

Interesting... hope you update soon... plese...

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KILL ME PLZ

is what you smell lik

is that how old you are cuz i think a one year old could write better crap than this steaming pile. maybe you need to liek grow up or something before you start acting like you know anything about something cuz you obvuouslky don't

this isnt even a story or anything its just pure failing lamesause. like you need some verity int you life cuz rally you have no life experiance to write hence tou lak of anyhitng to read. YOU SUX

you made me cry WITH THES CRAPPY POOED OUT CHICKEN POOP STORY CRAP.

blah blah blah blah that's all this. is. junk. COMPLETE JUNK!
needs to be shorter.

This... is really cool.

The opening line was brilliant. As soon as I read "I know your type", I thought, "bullshit, you know nothing". It's got a great tone; dry, accusing, and (best of all) cynical. I love cynical narrators, they're always witty and their dark humour is just awesome.

"If you set a man before a podium, he'll just spew out some bullshit he think everyone wants to hear." - Prime example of your cynical brilliance, and oh, so true.

While it is short, this chapter (prologue) does a wonderful job of setting the scene and building anticipation for what's to come. "Politics through violence. In the end we're just like you." That one line really grabbed my attention and made me go, "This story is gonna kick-ass" and set up the whole premise for me: we're going to show you politics through violence. Read on and see how we settle things Civil Combat style.

Iyaaaa! So awesome! (*o*) Must, must, must, must read the rest when it come out! *small screaming fan girl moment*

*cough*

*salutes*

Jax out.

I like your opening. When I read the line "I know your type" my immediate reaction is to mentally snort and think, "There's no way you know me" in that back portion of my mind, but I do wait for the narrator to tell me who they *think* they're talking to. By the third sentence, though, I see that, oh wait, s/he *is* talking, at least in part, to me. So it was a fun moment. It changed my opinion of the perspective in just a few short lines.

[but nothing will happen until somebody gets hurt.] I liked this line, also. While I don't *want* to believe that violence is the only way to solve things in the end - or that it is "only natural" that humans will resort to solving things that way - it still strikes a chord, because due to our history, the argument is fairly convincing. And that line in particular is simply amusing - a sort of twisted spin-off to "all fun and games until somebody gets hurt".

So. Short, but neat. I have to wonder when you'll update. :P

- Moonstar

Sort of reminds me of the clone troopers from Star Wars. But a little bit more...cruel? I think I'm gonna like Clark :) he sounds like the type of guy in one of those sci-fi TV shows that seem like a total ass but then seems sweet later on.

I hope I get to read more but I'm on my itouch and I'm tired as heck *yawns* night!

ConfusedSoAmI

I like the nature of the conflict you've created-completely justified, controversial, and from an external entity. I look forward to when these characters meet.

"Scoundrel" doesn't come across as a word Clark would use, but he's your character. I also thought that even though he's not much a thinking guy and the nature of this chapter,that there could've been a bit more non-dialogue in Clark's half (more inner outrage, perhaps?). That being said, the narration difference does well in contrasting Rex and Clark even more.

I don't think you'd be giving too much away if you explained the structure of how Skatli/Nindara works, such as the government and the country's neighbors, such as Sileria. Like what Sileria's soldiers are doing in Skatli/Nindara to begin with and especially what the citizens of Skatli think of this. Of course you're going to reveal more as the story goes on, but a little more information would be nice.

I like, I like. Your people's personalities were solid, clear-cut, and memorable. I particularly liked Clark, whose characterization I've usually seen in villains; if this is the rewrite, I'd say you did a good job. I was rooting for him despite his a**hole personality, mostly because Jack was annoying. Pretty much the only thing that bothered me was the "The people cheered when we lost" paragraph's first few sentences because it was verbatim-ish repetitive.

Right now, I'm a little confused about everything—is this some sort of wrestling thing? But it's pretty interesting, I like it. There could've been a little more dialogue around the beginning, and the start was a little slow. But overall, I like this story.

You might want to try and make the fight scenes more exciting, because even though it was action, I was drifting off a little there.

[Usually he stands taller than any of us, even Hank, but today he slouches and leans against the doorframe like a puppet with its strings slack.] I really like this sentence for it's simile. I also like how you are describing the height of the characters, but not really "telling" us. We know that Hank is pretty tall but Boss is taller. Great work.

I'm still so confused after this chapter. I was thinking that you would explain more, but you just plunged straight into the plot and problems without fully explaining the situation. I'm still confused about why they fight and just the general setting of this story. Now there's a war because they have fighting arenas? I'm really confused. Rex and Clark also seem like totally different characters. I wonder when they will merge together and the plot will start picking up? :3 I also like the pace of this story. It moves really smoothly. Good work!