|Reviews for Civil Combat|
| Annything 8/15/12 . chapter 1
I thought it was not very engaging. The fighting scenes I was kind of out of it, not really able to pay attention to it. It was hard to understand why they were fighting. Do you explain it in the next chapters?
I liked the intro. It was the most engaging part of the story, while towards the end I was drifting off. The intro was more interesting and eye catching to me. I liked how he was explaining their situation with the money. I loved the description where they described the room they stayed in. It really pronounced what you said earlier about their financial situation.
I'm still confused. It's hard to keep up with what is happening and why it's happening. I'm assuming you explain things better in later chapters?
| Highway Unicorn 8/10/12 . chapter 1
Hellllllo! :D Review time!
*[Skatli 2] 2 should be spelt out as two, or unless that's the name of the group. If so, then italicizing it would look better, in my opinion.
*[Nindara 1] Same thing goes for this.
*[...but so would you if you hadn't showered in three days.] I would suggest to not address the readers. It turns your piece into something informal. I know this because my AP English teacher tramatized us with that. He said that when writing, an author can never know what the reader is feeling, thinking, smelling, etc. Just a suggestion. :)
Between the two characters, I would say I liked Clark more, simply because I love his cocky attitude. It shows that he has high self-esteem, which is great to have when in situations such as battle arenas. He also reminds me of one of those spoiled rich boys, what with the white uniforms and of course cocky attitude.
I also like the overall plot since it shows how far humanity would go for entertainment. Having groups of people fight each other while others watch seems highly cruel, however, in the society you've set up, it seems perfectly natural.
It was a lovely introduction. :)
| YasuRan 8/9/12 . chapter 2
I enjoyed how you fed us little details of Nindara and the arena fights through the characters' thoughts and observations. There were some places where the details could have been more fleshed out so as to give us a fuller picture, but they were still strong enough to leave an impression. As with the settings, the same advice could apply to Rex and Clark's characters. Though I get a taste of what their personalities are like, they're still a bit vague and too similar in some places. Try introducing some more details to differentiate between the two in future updates.
Overall, I think this story has potential. The dystopian setting isn't new but if written well and fleshed out more, could be compelling nonetheless. The impending war promises a lot of action, which combined with the fiery attitudes of both protagonists should make for some combustible events.
| Do Play With Fire 8/6/12 . chapter 2
I have not read this in like ... a while. Ooops. Whatever. This is getting interesting. I cannot wait to see what will happen with that law.
| A. Gray 8/2/12 . chapter 4
So they are getting massive help. The bribe! The bribe must be how the crappiest team was picked! or is it why Baldy is helping...So many questions to answer.
I love the image of Baldy with a pink donut. Hell yes! and he's still a hard ass! wonderful.
I really love how you go through the training these guys are being forced through by just giving us the physical backlash. I don't want to read about a bunch of training, and you neatly keep me from it while letting me know how grouling this must bee.
Ah the death threats roll in for Clark. It's to be expected but I ;love the thing about never having seen a gun and where it came from. Really leads more into this odd world.
OOO nice cliffy! very hooking, and a grewat way to wrap up this chapter.
| dragonflydreamer 8/2/12 . chapter 1
I don't normally like so much explanation right at the beginning, but this is an awesome start! Even though Rex is explaining a lot, there's a lot of his personality mixed into his narration. I thought it was particularly interesting how he started talking about fighting dirty. Obviously, he's a protagonist and we're supposed to be rooting for him, but I can tell there's going to be a roughness to your characters and we might not be behind them one-hundred percent of the time. I love that!
Are Clark and Rex on the same team? That was a big question I had at the end of this chapter and I'm not sure if it's important for you to keep it that way. Clark seems cocky and overconfident, but it's specifically about fighting. I don't know yet if it's going to be in an asshole chauvinist kind of way - I'm kind of hoping it's not, not because I dislike that kind of character necessarily, but because I think it would be unique not to go down that road. Anyway, he seems like an interesting character, but I'm automatically drawn to Rex more for some reason. He has a sort of parallel structure to his wording and repeats things a lot, but it doesn't detract from the narration; it's just a character quirk. He also has an interesting relationship with there status. Not quite pride, but definitely not shame. He takes things as they are.
As for the premise: sounds like this is going to be a kick ass plot! There's something of The Hunger Games to it - not that they're all that similar, but there's the constant question of "okay, that's cool and all, but why is the government doing this?" It sounds like you have a stronger foundation to this, though, and I hope that you explore the political side of it in equal proportion to the fighting. Both can work hand in hand to make this an exciting journey.
| A. Gray 8/2/12 . chapter 3
So you start with Clark. I like that I get to see more of how he views things, and how he explains things better even if it's from the wealthy winning POV.
I love the hook you give with why the worst team is chosen. It really makes me wonder what is going on behind the scenes.
OOOO love the big why them and why not jsut replace some of the team?
| A. Gray 8/2/12 . chapter 2
Ha! i love Rex's additude! It's great how he "makes sacrificeS" for others by buying food for them. His view on the bad bringing everyone together also give us a very good idea of how he works
Still i'm left wondering what's in it for these guys to fight if they are broke and almost always loosing.
It's very nice to see the two sides of the coin. Those that are poor and the wealthy ones, and that no matter they all care about this combat system.
| A. Gray 8/2/12 . chapter 1
interesting hook. it give enough to really suck me in, like the fighting for tax hike or not, and still leaves me wonder why?
The distinction between Rex and Clark is interesting just for how similar they are at the same time.
I am left wanting more, and ready to read on. Very nicely layed out.
| VelvetyCheerio 7/20/12 . chapter 1
I really like the idea of this story. It kind of makes me think of those hobo fights, just with bigger audiences and more than two starving participants, haha. But seriously, the idea sounds promising. Where you plan on taking it, I have no idea, but there's just something so exciting about organized fighting and possible injury.
Of the two characters featured, I prefer Clark over Rex. Clark seems to have a more free-wheeling attitude than Rex and I feel like his character will promise more reckless behaviour. Rex, on the other hand, has hilarious narration, but I'm still gonna keep my money on Clark for now. He sounds tactical, but also just a bit like a show-off, especially when he mentions how great it is to get back into the arena after getting his arm out of a sling.
| Guest 7/19/12 . chapter 3
so I think this is a great tribute to the failin of the american eductation system
| Guest 7/19/12 . chapter 2
omg again with the rex clark split personalities THEY ARE THE SAME DUDE LIKE FIGHT CLUB
| Guest 7/19/12 . chapter 1
so if rex and clar had sex with 4 bros this might be ok, but until then this is just junk with now 11 year old sex. /fail on you.
| Guest 7/19/12 . chapter 1
I love how subtle you're being about REX's crossdressing. vERRY SKILLFYULLY DOne. You almost had me convinced. I can't wait for her to make out with CLARK.
| dream-beautiful 7/18/12 . chapter 1
I'm really confused right now 0.0 but I suppose thats expected of course. The summary was really interesting, made me wonder what its about. To be honest I passed by it but I came back eventually, thinking. I loved Rex's pov especially. Your writing flows very well, a good mixture of long descriptive sentences and short curt ones. Very intruiging start, a nice hook indeed. I'll be reading on..