|Reviews for ParaNormal: Second Story|
| Eytha 6/15/12 . chapter 3
Since you asked for feedback on Fuuka, I'll focus primarily on her character. I have a lot of words to describe her personality based from the narrative and her actions. I wanted to lay those out as well to make sure that this was everything you wanted from the character or if there were areas that you did not want.
I would say that I think she is a believable character in the way that she acts and is very self-centered. She is weak willed, since she is unwilling to actually confront her friends about the wrongs they are doing as well as just cutting off their friendships. It is clear from her narrative that she doesn't agree with what they are doing, but is too afraid of the consequences.
The section with Ai showed to her to be a little judgmental, with her description and commentary on her. However, I do feel that Ai did not seem bossy, more like arrogant than anything. I'm not sure if you wanted Fuuka to misread that and jump to different conclusions. Considering how Fuuka actions before and after, it seems a little strange that she angry with Ai over so little. Confusion and concern about guilt seem more in line with what she would do from the ways she acts.
Many of her actions are very impulsive and reckless. She knows something has to be done, yet can't plan anything. I can't see her actually thinking of any plans. She just seems to be completely reactionary and acting on emotions rather than thinking. So it seems a little hard to see her getting upset over plans failing as you note at the bottom, since she doesn't seem to be the type that plans in the first place. She also does not appear socially confident as you describe her either.
The self-centered part of her comes back up with her unable to prioritize matters. She ends up thinking about her date rather than the more important matter with Kyoko. It makes everything she doing very halfhearted, but that has been very clear for a while that she can't fully commit to anything that has risks to her social/school life.
The bit about the abandoned building seemed oddly knowledgeable for her. It felt more like something you find from a more omniscient narrator. It is sort of hard to imagine that she's that knowledgeable about city developments. I can understand her knowing about the scandal, but the rest seems more than she would actually be interested in knowing or even retaining.
Even with having said everything, I do think that Fuuka is an interesting character because she is a very flawed and self-centered character. She is not selfless, which is used too often at times. She definitely seems more believable. It is hard to say if that makes her relatable though. She is very human, so I like that. She is difficult to deal with though because she is very indecisive and can't do what she knows to be right. I can't relate, but I can see how others might have found themselves in similar situations. So she could be relatable to some. Mostly it seems you kept her personality consistent apart from the notes I made for you.
There is couple of other things I wanted to note not related to the character directly. I don't know if it is because you asked us to look at chapter 3 and so the other two previous chapters explain it, but I find the whole thing very vague. I understand Fuuka is missing some pieces, but she seems to be specifically leaving out important pieces to how things got to where they are in the chapter. And I don't know why, as a narrator/character that is trying to ease her guilt by talking about it, she is not being more specific about the events.
I figured I would note a mistake I saw, you slipped into Kyoko-chan once in the tenth paragraph of the story proper. Also hikkikomori has English equivalents such as shut-in or NEET (which was originally a British term before it ended up being more heavily used by the Japanese).
| StorymasterQ 4/16/12 . chapter 2
Looks like you're starting a new one here. Will there be characters from the first story, even in a background capacity or even mentioned in passing?
Keep up the good work. I'll read this one to the end, for sure this time...
| TORNtoLIGHT 4/9/12 . chapter 1
excited! Can't wait to read the rest. It looks really interesting so far.