Hey Bunny,
First, I'd like to tell you that your writing is not bad at all and I like your ideas. Second, I'd like to tell you that its not good for a young writer such as yourself, to put yourself down. You are a lot cooler than you give yourself credit for.

Ah, I think it would be best if you pushed the tab button every time you write dialog. Love the story!

Very fast paced, but overall, a good story. Continue writing- practice makes perfect!

I really like this story but there are a lot of spelling and grammar errors, the type that a computer doesn't pick up. You should think about getting a beta. Also, when a character speaks you should start it on a new line. Other than that your story was really good.

Okay, I'm getting a little confused with who's a boy and who's a girl. It's a little unclear.

There is potential for great stories, but they are introduced too quickly try to dedicate the first chapter to introducing the characters. Also less characters would be easier to understand.