|Reviews for Familiar|
| MiranDuranDa 2/18/13 . chapter 32
This chapter seems like a total non sequitur. All the sudden they're in a lab working on a random potion and OOPS! ps, it's a mild aphrodisiac? It seems more like an extremely short one-shot than part of a story...
| shiorioji 2/5/13 . chapter 55
I must say, this is probably one of the best stories I've read. Good plot, good character development...overall, great job. The only thing is the ending. It's a very good idea and it has a lot of potential but that's the problem; the story ends right there. It's not necessarily that it doesn't make sense; rather, it would be better if there was more elaboration. Why was he supposed to be Echai's Familiar? Why did he end up being Eiryu's as opposed to some other mage's? In my opinion, a sequel may be a good idea to make things less confusing and to tie everything together. But that's just my opinion. Also, as a slightly random thought, it might be interesting to write a oneshot or another story based on what things would be like if he was Echai's Familiar instead. Just something to think about, I suppose.
| CalliScribbles 2/3/13 . chapter 53
Well, that only sounds just as confusing as the rest of the formal organized events I've been to.
Hmm... Resol's family seems nice and reasonable. They'd probably be better than Ayasaz or Eva for explaining things to Rey, were there to be a chance with the examinations going on.
| ohsocyanide 1/13/13 . chapter 55
I'm finally sitting down to review this. Admittedly, I avoided having to read the last chapter of a story I've read faithfully since August, but it had to be done.
The explanation was simple but I did like it. It leaves some questions, like why Eiryu happened upon him and what things would have been like if Echai was still around, but those are all hypothetical. Sometimes simple is better, so yeah.
The issue of sex was never really brought up again and decided upon, which is something you might address when you go back and edit.
I also felt like there could have been a bit more closure. You addressed the issue of the tattoo, which was important, but there is something that feels vaguely unfinished about this. Maybe that's for the best, since there will be some soft of sequel-type thing?
Either way, I have loved reading this story and I look forward to reading more from you. :)
| mangatake 1/10/13 . chapter 55
I enjoyed this, my only complaint is that it ended too soon. Thanks for sharing.
| Marni 1/6/13 . chapter 55
When the sequel comes up (please, please do a sequel, there are so many more questions!) can you post something here, please?
| Catkac 1/6/13 . chapter 55
I was debating whether I should read this or study for an exam, and your story won. I can't say I'm disappointed, not at all.
I like the magic theme you use(d) and how it sounds different from your NaNo 2012 (I don't know the title, actually, now that I think about it). I also find the bickering between the two main characters endearing. And, yes, they do sound like an old couple sometimes. :)
I liked the times they cuddled, or when they went on their date, or bickered with each other... Actually, all of the times with just them in the scene are the highlights for me. The story itself gives me a feeling of ''fluff'' all throughout, and it correlates with them being teenagers quite well.
You did make it serious with Eiryu's father's and brother's deaths, and you added an air of mystery with Echai's mark on Rey's back. But I would also say those are the biggest points you should work on.
Changing the story some while editing, adding some explanatory one shots, a sequel... I would, personally, love to se the latter, but it might work for you better to just post additional one shots.
I am still confused about that mark-on-the-one-who-didn't-lose-virginity thingy. As I understood, if person A is a virgin, person B, whom person A made love to, gets a mark on their left arm. But that didn't happen with Echai and his stepfather because the guy was a widower? Do both person A and B have to be virgins? Or at least person B has to be human, if not a virgin? How was the stepfather able to marry the twins' mother then? If the virgin-bond mechanism is so strong (is it?), what happens to the person who dies? ...I feel like Eiryu's interest in the topic is valid indeed. You made it sound too interesting and now I can't get it out of my head.
A poin that got me wondering, also, was the similarity of Rey and Echai. I'm guessing, since no other character pointed it out, the two aren't THAT similar in appearances. Eiryu had said something about their characters resembling... So it struck me as weird that they were destined to be bonded. Maybe that's what you intended, to give hints to the readers?
Otherwise, I am quite pleased with what you've done with the story. I feel like it could need some polishing at the edges, but overall, I give it a thumbs up. :)
| heyitsstupidme 1/5/13 . chapter 55
I like the idea with the Oracle and it can be that Eiryu will never find out what exactly happened to his Dad, but I hope you'll write some/a one shot to this story, because there are still questions that aren't answered and I will miss Eiryu and Rey, so it would be great to read more about them.
I really enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for publishing it. :)
| mgmtlover18 1/5/13 . chapter 55
Im kinda dissapointed with the ending to be honest. It seems...uncomplete.
| ohsocyanide 1/1/13 . chapter 54
Examinations went much better than I thought they might, though a lot of this felt rather filler-y? I don't know. I also feel like Eiryu's tone has changed a bit, although this could just be me. It's probably just me, so don't worry about it.
Exams for Rey were relatively boring, yeah? He didn't really do too much besides lend his strength to Eiryu, which is obviously important, but he really could have brought a book to read while he waited.
I think this could use a quick proofread. There were a few iffy spots I noticed, though they were small and doubtfully noticed by someone who doesn't look for the errors.
I am happy to note that, as of this chapter, they're still together. It's after Eiryu's testing, too, so I hope that this means they're in the clear for now!
I'm not much help on this chapter, sorry. Merry Christmas (though it's over) and Happy New Year! Also, sorry for the delayed review. Holidays are busy! :)
| heyitsstupidme 12/24/12 . chapter 54
That really was a long chapter. I'm a bit sad, because there's just one chapter left, but I'm happy if there's an happy-end.
| Fryvi 12/24/12 . chapter 54
Well done at writing the examinations! That last practical part was especially good:D
| heyitsstupidme 12/23/12 . chapter 53
I just discovered this story and I really like it. I haven't read many fantasy stories in a while and I am happy that I found a good one like this while getting more into fantasy again.
I like that the focus of the story is not on their homosexuality, but on their lives in general, their relationship and mainly on the magic.
I don't think Eiryu or Rey are particularly dominant and their behaviour depends on their mood and the situation. They both seem to avoid talking about things that they are uncomfortable talking about, but really want to talk about things when they think the other one doesn't wants to tell them something. I think their behaviour is realistic and I really like that you give your characters a personality and not just one role.
I guessed that Echai's death had something to do with Eiryu's stepfather. I think I believer Eiryu, because Rey trusts him. Of course, it could be that he lied about everything, but if he did, he would definetely be a damn good actor. He also didn't want to talk about his past to Rey for a long time and I don't really think he would lie about it if he decided to tell him. But on the other hand, there could be some things that Eiryu didn't tell Rey. I guess we'll find out.
I like it when characters aren't flawless and Rey and Eiryu are very likeable characters. Their behaviour and their actions are believable to me.
I would like to find out more about other characters like Isina or Asayaz, if that would be possible. These two seem to be very interesting.
It must have been a lot of work to write this, because the chapters weren't short and 53 chapters is a lot. The story drew me in and I just took one break while reading all of this, because I wanted to get some sleep eventually.
I think that's what makes it a very good story to me: I was totally absorbed in it and I didn't notice the time going by while reading it.
I think everything's falling into place now and I'm really looking forward to the next two chapters. Thank you for publishing this, I really enjoyed reading it!
| ohsocyanide 12/8/12 . chapter 53
Yayyy, I'm not dead! I've actually just been living in the state of a total hermit: no phone, no Internet, just me huddled in a blanket nun-style and creeping around my house.
It's been a long week, let me tell you.
I don't know how to feel about this. I read it, and I just... there's something off about the dialogue, I think. Too many statement-turned questions, maybe, and that throws me off. The narration between E and Rey (I apologize for the nicky, some people absolutely hate when a name is shortened but the spelling of Eiryu's name throws my fingers for a loop more often than not) seems off somehow. Maybe it's the general tense feeling of the entire chapter, I don't know.
I still want to know what's going on with that tattoo. You've never really explained it, and since you said there wouldn't be a definite sequel, I think it needs to be explained. I mean, it's been a plot line since the beginning of the story, so I feel like wrapping it up with a simple sentence or two would feel too rushed.
Still, I'm glad Eiryu actually accepted Rey's kiss even though he protested a bit at the beginning. Being gay doesn't seem to be a big deal in either community, so Eiryu's general sense of uncomfortability (God, I just made up a word, I think) about showing their relationship off publicly implies that their is something beneath his uneasy exterior.
I was worried about Rey being the only one in black, but knowing it's only for the sake of covering up his other tattoo makes me feel better.
| TheWitch'sLover 12/6/12 . chapter 21
"Fine. Whatever." He grinned. "Now you owe me a favor, just remember."...hehe :D and yay! a kiss!