|Reviews for End Of A Spark|
| Lenni 8/6/12 . chapter 8
:( Ah, that's really a shame.
A one shot of this would be wonderful - you have a way with writing witty and natural dialogue. :) Can't wait to see what you come up with.
| Lenni 8/6/12 . chapter 1
Aha, sneaky mom trying to set up Lauren with her friend's son. :)
thought I'd write a review for chapter one with my first impressions. Overall, I like what you've done. In just one chapter I think you've established a lot of areas where potential conflict can arise, and I can't wait to see what you decide to do with that. I'm liking Lauren as a main character so far.
Your writing flows well and it's easy to follow along and understand what you're trying to say. Your descriptions offer a nice insight into the world, but you don't have so much that it's unnecessary.
Excited to read more. :)
| this wild abyss 8/6/12 . chapter 1
Altogether, this is a good start. You've done a fairly good job introducing the conflict and the main character. You pushed a lot of information into this, though, and I would have preferred a slower pace with more time to solidify Lauren's personality and background, as opposed to throwing a lot of names and characters at the reader as you did here. However, as I said, this is a good start, and I think you've set yourself up for an enjoyable light read.
| Ophelia Schmit 7/31/12 . chapter 2
I thought this chapter was very different from the first chapter. I didn't like Lauren much; I have the feeling she's going to be an Ophelia with blonde hair (I think Ophelia has brown hair...? John William Waterhouse has too much of an influence on me). :)
| 72898 7/29/12 . chapter 8
Noooo! I like this story, please continue it!
| Ophelia Schmit 7/27/12 . chapter 1
Yes! FINALLY! A story that has elements from different genres in it, but it's not so-romantic-it's mushy. I hate most romance books because they would probably want to make me puke, but I'm so glad there's going to possibly be romance in here, yet I don't need to bring out the bucket, which it seems like I've abused!
| SimranVim 7/23/12 . chapter 8
| afkd98 7/22/12 . chapter 8
I'm sad that this story's ending, I understand. I look forward to the new oneshot and hope to see more of your writing soon. Thanks for entertaining me. This story is the best I've seen so far. I loved it.
| pseudonymsurname 7/19/12 . chapter 2
Heh, I’m generally not a fan of people who start every chapter with a quotation, but I thought the ones you’ve used really kind of epitomised the light-hearted tone you warned about in the opening chapter. It’s strangely refreshing to read something where there ain’t any ‘heart-throbbing dramatics’.
Okay, first, I liked how you’ve switched perspectives. I think it’s always more interesting in these kinda novels to get all sides of the story (and, on that note, I hope Nate etc. gets chapters later on so he can’t always be defined as ‘that rich snob’). And, as with Lauren in the first chapter, I thought you developed Aiden pretty well. I’m already sensing some similarities between him and Lauren; see the thinking one thing and saying another “A waiter? Four hours waiting hand and foot on a bunch of stuck up arseholes? "Sure thing, then. Sign me up, sir." I liked how you subtly dropped some problems he has – mainly money, and how this affects him. Like he can’t go to the Arsenal match (which clearly means a lot to him) because of his dad, despite being 18 and able to do as he pleases. Quick tangent: being an Arsenal fan myself, Aiden definitely went up in my opinion reading that.
And I thought the dialogue between him and Lauren was really good. Fast-paced and actually… believable (again, believable dialogue is rare in the FP romance stories I’ve read recently). You also mix in a good amount of internal emotion etc. in between the dialogue to make it work that much better. Little things like “Funny; he'd go for funny” really aided in building the characters, I thought.
“Grinheim happened to realize at the same time and they both lunged for the device.” Also, you’ve established a potential love triangle very quickly, but somewhat realistically, which is never a bad thing in a romance story.
Again, didn’t write down the small edits, but here are a couple things I noted:
“Aiden Montero” “Greg Winters” “Edgar Donohue” “Nate Grinheim” I thought it was a bit weird how you introduce every character with their full name. It worked maybe once or twice (Nate’s, for instance, worked where it is), but doing it every time didn’t really read right.
“And if pleasing Donohue was the way to keep it, then please him he would.” Heh, but wasn’t he just late for work… again?
And that’s it, really. Yeah, this is quite a sweet story. Wonder what’s going to happen next; or should that be I wonder what’s going to go wrong next? :)
| pseudonymsurname 7/19/12 . chapter 1
“if you want a lighthearted, easy read for shits and giggles” Heh, I’ve seen big, bold warnings telling readers that a story may contain ‘explicit sex, violence, gore, language’, that it may cause offence to certain religions etc. etc. But I’ve never seen a warning saying it’s going to be an easy, light-hearted story. Not sure why you felt the need to point this out, if I’m honest :)
Okay, as for the story itself, I thought it was good. The last few romance stories I read on FP were… well, written pretty terribly, with every clichéd description and characterisation in the book (if there even was any), and this is much better than those. For one, you’ve actually got some good descriptions – and rather a lot of it, which works seeing as a big part of this chapter is Lauren moving to a new place and you do a great job of conveying the setting (the oppressive heat, and the opulent surroundings of her mother’s not-quite-mansion-but-might-as-well-be).
Lauren as well was introduced nicely in this chapter and I got a good sense of her character starting from the very first line. A line which caught that teenage mind-set pretty well, I thought – the almost inevitable ‘I’m going to focus on the negative things’. Yet also the ‘I’m gonna not *tell* anyone about all the negative things’; see Lauren telling the driver she’s happy to be in Florida. I also thought there was an interesting dynamic between Lauren and her mum. The expensive gifts sitting in her closet, and yet the small part of her wanting to please her mother by wearing the sunglasses. As much as Lauren barely sees her mum and probably resents her because of this, Leila is still her mother. Yeah, be interesting to see how this develops.
The only real issue I have with this is the pace: it’s a bit too fast and, as a result of this, you introduce a few too many characters. For instance, there’s absolutely nothing said about Nate and then suddenly, “Nate was out of his seat and dragging Lauren to a shiny black Audi parked in the drive.” It just didn’t read too well. But seeing as this is FP, it’s perfectly understandable to ensure your first chapter is quick and snappy and gives glimpses of the many different characters (and, being a romance story, potential love interests).
Overall, yeah, I liked this. Onto chapter two.
Now, you said you’re editing this already, so I didn’t bother noting any punctuation/grammar mistakes, but here are a couple of small suggestions/problems which you’re free to ignore:
“There were many things Lauren Connors disliked.
Airports, her mom, Florida, old people and tacky clothing were among that list.” I’d make this one sentence; maybe a colon after ‘disliked’. At the least, I’d put it in the same paragraph.
“Seeing as right now she was in M.I.A waiting for her mother to pick her up while balancing luggage in her arms, surrounded by retired folks in Hawaiian t-shirts, didn't do much to enhance her bitter mood.” I’d cut this sentence in two. A bit too much happening at once.
“there were a couple hot pink streaks in her hair” Hot pink? Is that a colour or is she saying like ‘that’s hot’? Bit confusing, to me anyway.
| Ney13 7/11/12 . chapter 7
You're right, it is a really light romance:)
| FebruaryBabes02 7/9/12 . chapter 7
This is a really cute story, I like it a lot. I cannot wait to find out what happens next, I'm looking forward to the next update :)
| Lily94 7/9/12 . chapter 1
I love the subtle humour in this and it's very down to earth. It's a fantastic read and something which I think your readers will relate to :) I read the first chapter, if I get time I shall definatley read more! My only advice is just make the chapters a bit shorter, maybe, cut each one in half and add it to the next :) But overall, I really enjoyed it :) Thumbs up!
| xEvery.Rose.Has.It's.Thornsx 7/4/12 . chapter 1
Love the story, Nate seems like pompous ass though but that was probably your intention, anyway update soon :)
| SJ1996 7/3/12 . chapter 7
AHHH! This is adorable and I want to seriously know whats gonna happen next! I love it and I hate Nate! He is such a freakin jerk, I wish I could kick in the balls if he was real that is, but yea as you already know I think you're an awesome writer and I can't wait to read the next chapter.