I think I might just fall in love with your writing.

I really enjoyed this. The words you chose work very well with your concept, and i loved the entire piece. Brilliant! Keep it up! :)

As always, keep writing!

-Shauni

I like the rhythm and rhyming of this poem! I have a few suggestions:

1) I think the line 'the blackness, advance' could be more impactful if the punctuation was changed to 'the blackness: advance' as though it were a command.

2) I would get rid of the line breaks and just use a double space for a cleaner look. This is just personal preference though.

3) The stanza 'in this land..' didn't quite rhyme. I really like your rhyming, and I think if that were fixed it would make the poem great!

4) I think the title could be more creative. At fictionpress, there are a lot of poems and a few readers. Your title and summary are all you've got to pull people in, and I think you need a title that really does your poem justice.

Great poem, you've got a lot of potential!