|Reviews for Breathe deeply|
| Admiral Bangle 4/28/13 . chapter 1
That was really poetic. I started getting the impression it was a drug towards the end and I was right it seems. It was quite dark and the first bit was quite repetitive at the beginning. The italics also made it quite hard to read but I understand why you used them. I liked how it was sort of rambling, which makes sense when you consider the 'substance' and what kind of effect it can have on you.
The ending was very clever, specifically how dark was used with two meanings there, one being the emotional darkness and the other being the dark alley, as well as the fact that the 'light' couldn't see her.
Also, I don't know if the substance is a drug as it seems to be conveying, but if it is I like how you presented it as an almost demonic force. Being all evil and stuff.
Overall it was well written if a little bit preachy, well done!
| Hedj.V 3/23/13 . chapter 1
Such powerful feelings of being forsaken come through in this piece it is heartbreaking. I like your choice of structure here - how through what seems to be dialogue we come to understand the protagonist's choices. The subtle twists and turns of emotional blackmail and how absolutely tempting it can seem. This is very powerful in that sense. Good job on this :)
| Rogue Energizer Bunny 7/17/12 . chapter 1
I hate how this (almost) entire thing is in italics. It makes it extremely difficult to read, and what does it even add? Most readers will open this up and cringe, and promptly close the window. It's a really good way to scare off readers with minimal effort.
I like the narrative style in the first part. It comes out in a rambling, overflowing way, which indicates insanity and lots of other nice, unbalanced things.
The thing that bothers me (other than the italics) is how overly dramatic this is. I know that's not the way you intend it, but some of the devices (all the exclamation marks, much of the word choice) makes it seem a little cheesy, and limits the amount of impact. Look at "oh, how beautiful you look! How your eyes sparkle!" and "my heart aches for your embrace," and "we shall be together forever, my darling." It's hard to picture anybody saying this, even some demonic force.
I do like the last line. "In an alley a girl has died, yet the beings of light cannot see her. It is too dark." I love the double meaning of "dark" here. Great punchy ending!