|Reviews for ReGenesis|
| OneOriginalThing 6/20/12 . chapter 1
i like that you have a very strong narration in Nina, it's evident through the way she talks and how she acts around her Father that she isn't very comfortable around him, and that she wants him to acknowledge her as an equal and as someone he can trust. As well as realize that she's not a child anymore she is a grown woman who he should be able to trust, she is a good ally to have.
I dislike and like that you witch the scenes quickly showing only small time differences in these places all around the globe. it reminds me about valentines day the movie, it is distracting and you have to put a lot more patience into trying to think about it. But you take it slow, so you have time to process the characters and realize that they are all different.
| this wild abyss 6/20/12 . chapter 1
I wasn't a fan of how you had both first and third person narratives in this chapter because it gave things a more unbalanced feeling. Personally, I'd suggest separating the two sections and putting them into separate chapters.
Overall, though, I think this is a good start. You've introduced the situation with the war really well, and I like your narrator's voices because they seem realistic and likable. Relatable, too, I think, especially in the first section with Nina.
| TheBloodEdge 6/2/12 . chapter 10
Woah, so it's super strength? Genesis gives you super strength?
| TheBloodEdge 6/2/12 . chapter 9
Man, the constant change of perspectives can give me a headache, but I got through. Nina's a total badass, though she lost, but badass.
| TheBloodEdge 6/2/12 . chapter 8
I smell a Deus Ex Machina coming right up! Only that can save Arif now!
| professional griefer 5/27/12 . chapter 6
I like the writing style, brief and to the point. the action is clear, and there isn;t too much description to get in the way. I love stories like that:)
I'm assuming English isn't your first language, because my complaint is that the dialogue is a bit stiff. It's very unnatural to how people usually speak.
But other than that, this is very good. Keep going:)
| Samsonet 5/24/12 . chapter 1
Hi! Sorry for taking so long, I haven't had internet for days.
This is a beautiful premise. Of course some people may say it's cliched, but I think you are doing it especially well.
If I may nitpick, since English isn't your first language I should warn you about a grammar mistake.
'"Finally, it begun." Said a tall Chinese man.'
"Begun" here should be "began" or "has begun".
You are now on my favorite authors' list. ;)
| Samsonet 5/21/12 . chapter 6
I liked the fight scene here; it's very well done. You got the information across without disrupting the action and that takes talent. It's really hard (for me anyway). Sorry to nitpick here, but a couple of times you slipped into present tense. It was sort of confusing to read that "such-and-such happened, it feels horrible, such-and-such was what I did".
Actually my last sentence was confusing, but I hope you got what I meant. I'm typing this really late. When I can get enough sleep I'll write a better review for this story.
| TheBloodEdge 5/17/12 . chapter 7
Okay! I think I have a guess as to what G does!
Lol, Sulaiman's my late father's name.
| TheBloodEdge 5/12/12 . chapter 6
Awesome. The characterization is VERY interesting. Our main character here's a coward, can't wait to see how you develop him.
| TheBloodEdge 5/12/12 . chapter 5
Oh, so it's like Persona 3! Somewhat. I really wanna know what that G does...
| TheBloodEdge 5/12/12 . chapter 4
Hahaha! That last line. After all that suspenseful thinking. Hahaha!
I love how the direction this story is taking!
| lookingwest 5/7/12 . chapter 1
Since English isn't your first language, I would suggest getting a beta reader of some sort who would be willing to just go through and clean up the stuff that is misused tense-wise or a little off from what it should be. This read really good though, don't get me wrong, but there were instances where I could tell it was more the fact English is a second language for you, than an actual error :) One of the biggest problems was the tenses-sometimes it was in present tense, other times it was in past, but again, that can be more just a translation thing than an intended mis-usage.
Some though, weren't-remember that when you have dialogue you must always have a comma at the end that follows with a speaker tag. Here's an example:
"We have prepared the ritual. It should go to be exactly as planned." A young man said to the Head Mage.
Here, "planned" should have a comma after it instead of a period, and "a" shouldn't be capitalized. This happened a lot, so just make sure you know how to correctly stylize it, as it will make for easier flow with how characters speak. I think this is the same for most languages grammar-wise? But then I only know German and English so I don't know anything that is Eastern-it might not be, so eh, it might have to do with just the translation thing again, if it is, my apologies. If you get someone to beta read/edit who has English as a first language, I would just make sure they do know how to grammatically format dialogue and speaker tags (a surprising amount of people don't know).
But anyway! I liked the narration of this story though and I think that the dialogue itself was well written and it made sense and it felt natural. The plot and content is intriguing, I've never read a story with mages like this so I liked the concept of the ritual and everything, and how you described it too. Well done and I look forward to how you continue the story, it sounds interesting and has a great start so far-I also liked that it had Malaysian characters, I've never read a story like that before and I don't know hardly anything about Malaysia either, so I found that intriguing and added a unique flavor to the story!
| TheBloodEdge 5/6/12 . chapter 3
Heheh... So what does the G-mark do anyway? Oh well, to the next chapter!
| TheBloodEdge 5/6/12 . chapter 2
A stinger. That was quick. So, I guess you're doing a dual protagonist thing? Nice.