Yep, it's a little choppy during the fight but that's an easy fix I think. I also found it a little weird how before the fight Amara kept her distance from Dareth and then after they were 'playful' and almost seemed to 'like' each other.

Otherwise, I liked Amara so far. Sad there was no other description other than being an average fifteen-year-old and half damien.

Keep Going! like a 'hyper drunk monkey'! (That was an awesome description)

Chiisutofupuru

Let's see... there is the part where you didn't put a new paragraph when someone else started talking. And there was also the misspelling of 'coming'.

In all, it still feels a bit rushed and choppy. But... nicely done. The characters are quite attractive, I think.

Heh, I just edited it somewhat, and added more to the first chapter. Sorry, there may be some typos. If you see some, than please tell me :) Thanks!

Hooking beginning! It is a bit choppy and sudden, but with a little rewording and editing that can easily be fixed. Sounds like a good plot so far! :) keep up the awesomeness!

-Grammar

p.s. I will tryyy to be your unofficial beta - but I'm so stinkin' busy :( I'll do what I can

My interest is piqued.

You didn't make a new paragraph for when the next person was speaking, which is bothersome, and the words also seemed just a bit rushed, which is also bothersome.

BUT - I absolutely love your word choice. Beautiful adjectives, beautiful descriptions, just absolutely gorgeous. I am envious.

I look forward to the next update. Happy writing! Snowsheba