YOU WROTE THIS ABOUT ME :P (other people reading this: no acctually she did. She always called me and stuff and i had to give her details! hahahahahaha...my name is Julia ;) )

so far this story is really good. Try to finish it, because I want to see how it ends :)

there were a couple of things that really popped out to me:

in chapter 3:

The phrase "Julia's devastation may have been else's winning" just didn't sound right to me. I hope you don't mind, but I thought it should have said "Julia's devastation may have been someone else's winning". By putting 'someone' in there, it makes a little more sense.

The phrase "We also at the same time heard sound Julia's heart break" really didn't make sense. I thought it should have said "We also heard, at the same time, the sound of Julia's heart breaking." This just sounded better as far as sentence structure.

I hope you take this criticism into consideration. This is a really good story so far. I think with those few corrections, it will make a great story.

FantasyBabe 3

cute(: