|Reviews for Who's Eating Eric Lynch?|
| lookingwest 5/17/13 . chapter 28
This is like.
If I could favorite this story again right now, I'd do it in a heart beat. God, this is great. I love it. I really got that Truant vibe from the first paragraph but fuck, your descriptions are so vivid and everything my expression was growing more freaked out with every sentence. If I was reading this I think, as a novel, I'd be sufficiently actually really just - freaked, at this point, ha! Everything is so eerie and also feels so uncertain. Like - who knows what's actually happening, you know? These things just happening in his dreams and is he really stripping his skin off and stuff at the end or is that part in his head? Gosh, who knows at this point. And Tate showing up. What the hell was that about man, I thought for sure he'd be some sort of demon, but you got me good if he isn't. I just love how Eric has that uncertainty about him. Like - is this really all just Supernatural shit show stuff happening to him, or is half of it that and the other half actual hallucination crazy? The part with Tate almost scares me as much as the part with Zed, because with Tate it's like - you know, coming to terms would be so much harder...
As far as formatting goes, I think you nailed this. The first paragraph was brutal and the pacing for me actually stayed pretty even because I was reading each word with such emphasis due to the violence in description that's happening. If this was in a film or TV show, that would be the exact moment where I'd be hiding my eyes. That and when he actually sticks the knife into the face's eye. That moment was nuts. I can't believe he did it, actually. I thought maybe he wouldn't. I feel so incredibly sad for him this whole time too, like really sympathetic. But at the same time he like - ate three people. But he was under the influence of Zed. He's like Zed's puppet. Fuck Zed, man.
Plot-wise, I'm so scared for Eric with this whole police thing. I never saw the involvement of that happening and I'm really nervous for him. All I can really hope is that whoever appears at the end of this chapter better be Kristoph or I swear to the grim reapers! Then again, if it's Kristoph that would also be bad because it meant someone died... but I dunno - I guess what I mean is that I hope whoever that was, it was something Supernatural and not something human. I really hope he doesn't hurt anyone else during this crazy, and I feel really tense about it. I really really really REALLY hope you post an update sooner than later to calm my nerves. Or well, I suppose what happens after this could be even worse. But I do definitely feel like Eric has hit a rock bottom here. Nowhere to go but up.
The second big paragraph (the one at the bottom) is the greatest and one of the smoothest transitions into second person I've seen in this story, and I thought it was fantastic. That second big paragraph was the moment where I was wowed and just like, "Damn. I want to favorite this again." It has such a good cadence to it and it's almost reminiscent of the very opening of the entire novel when he talks about decapitation and talks directly. And it's so personal, too. Very personal. I love that "Don't look" moment. Ugh. So creepy and eerie and made of awesome. One of my favorites.
I have to wonder if he has any arm left after this - or what might even happen to the side of his infected body. I guess I kind of know the answer since I'm working with him in CD (ah crap, I need to post over there). But at the same time, I'm highly curious to find out how he gets from point A to point B and how he salvages everything that's happening to him, both mentally, and now very physically too. It's so scary that he ate all of those people. For real. I still remember there being something too, about different time line splits as well, and I dunno. I want to still be suspicious that some of this will just turn out to be a bad dream, but after the Robert death, I don't think I will get my innocent Eric-loving reader wish.
Blah, I haven't talked a whole lot about form, but, I think you get the point that I thought you executed everything really well. Great transitions, great temp of short and long sentences, great reflection of madness. I always like that free-form to depict that kind of thing, I think it works so well. And it definitely works here for Eric, especially. I remember how HoL really shaped some of my writing when I was working with INSIWB, too. That book is great. Your fusion inspirations of HoL and JDaTE are perfection. Not to mention the straight up Supernatural angel/demon trope that was never my complete preferenced cup of tea - until I dove into this universe. Love love love.
Bring us more updates soon I beg of you! :3
| SweetChoco71 5/17/13 . chapter 28
I have been reading this story since the beginning but I haven't gotten the chance to write a review, so I would first like to comment on how detailed your descriptions are. Most of the time, I believed that these crazy, violent events were really happening but then I remembered that they were probably another hallucination happening in Eric's mind. As for this particular chapter, I easily understood what was going on and I actually liked the syntax you used to really describe what's going inside Eric's mind. I actually really like it when the sentence structure is all over the place because then it truly demonstrates the insanity of the narrator. Any interesting form of syntax is fun to read. Anyways, I can't wait to read more and I really hope that Eric didn't shoot his mother, or whoever barged into that room...
| Highway Unicorn 5/17/13 . chapter 10
[and it looks like someone took the liberty of turning the two O's into a pair of boobs with a Sharpie.] It was meh. }:D Also, I think "Sharpie" should be italizied, or that's what I heard when it comes to trademarked words/names. :l I know my AP teacher nagged at me because I didn't italizie the word "Asprin" because apparently the dude who made it trademarked it and stuffs. I COULD BE WRONG THOUGH. I PROBABLY IS. If I am, I'll do the milkshake dance in a thong for you. FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU. o.o
["Then, uh, I don't know. Masturbate or something."] LOL XP That's a great set of options.
Man, I'd be super pissed if I was left to wait in the car. D: It's like, why even bother going? D: SHE NEEDS TO CRASH THAT PARTY. ;_;
[I hear Nine Inch Nails' ] OH. I just heard Mr. Self Destruct two days ago. OuO /blurps random blurp or randomness
Also, adding to what I said ealier, I'm not sure if that needs to be italized or not.
[And kind of chubby.] Seal chubby or walrus chubby? I need to know what my competition for Eric's love is. ._.
That naked girl was me. And that naked dude was me.
LOL but anyways, another awesome chapter }:D
I LIKED Ashley, because she's not this perfect character, you know? You made her chubby and nerdy and stuffs, and that just makes her more relatable and stuffs. AND STUFFS.
I LIKED how you protrayed the party and how awkward it got for Eric. He's an awkward dude, so I'm glad you didn't *just* make him a social butterfly just to get through the scene. Like, it's more believeable that way. :D
I LIKED the naked people at the end, 'cause they seemed to own up to there kinky fuckery by laughing. }:D
I disliked that Stacy had to sit in the car and stuffs. D: I wanted to see her party side.
I also dislike that Sam and Eric haven't had sex yet. :/ Like, they need to establish who's pitcher and catcher already. o.o Lol I'm just joshing.
| Faithless Juliet 5/15/13 . chapter 26
Stacy! I knew it. I feel proud of myself now.
Even though I've doubted her "reality" for a while now I was actually really sad to hear how she died. Originally I was thinking that she was just a figment of Eric's imagination - half way between a sibling and an imaginary friend, but she's really grown on me as the story progressed. She's actually my favorite character so far.
Even though the conversation toward the end didn't lag or drag, I do question the believability of this doctor. On the one hand he's seen these demons at work yet he's not willing to help or support Eric. It feels like his ethics as a doctor are not enough reason to deny what's in front of him.
| Infected Beliefs 5/15/13 . chapter 7
Well so much for hoping to see a normal person's reaction to Eric...I certainly wasn't expecting the crash to be that dramatic. I am cheering on Eric though, what a way to show us some of his positive traits, rather than just the endless cynicism. I got a third of the way through the chapter before I could make myself stop and start this review. Again, really good characterization of Eric. They always say actions speak louder than words and this is a great example of that.
I am fascinated by the creatures you come up with. Conforming to stereotypes while breaking them at the same time and displaying tremendous imagination. I can't remember if I already said this in a previous review or not, but your mother/father must have been/be tremendously horrified/proud of your overactive imagination. I don't know how the fuck you come up with this shit. Anyway, the angel was fantastic. I loved his/its description. [Only one, though. Not two. And the feathers are red.] - Even your angel's are creepy. Honestly though, I am waiting for despair again.
The whole incident has given Eric a rather convenient excuse for what happened to make him seem so fuckered up, but I am curious as to how he will explain the burnt up gas can. In fact, when he made it back to the road in the last chapter I was sort of wondering, whathappppened to the the gas can? And the fire from it?
I don't want to complain about the pacing (partly because I feel my story is much the same) but I feel the need to comment on it. And I don't mean the pacing of each individual chapter, which is fantastic, but rather the pacing of the story as a whole. I almost feel like it is moving too slowly, but at the same time I don't feel that is what I mean, which isn't any help to you so let me try to clarify. We have Eric in every chapter dealing with his hallucinations or whatever they are and we have a lot of interesting, well developed side characters that come in for brief cameos then leave again. All the chapters are engaging and compelling because Eric is such a strong character and your writing voice is so powerful. However, I find myself itching for some other minor character to latch on to. You have all these minor characters that I really like: His cousin, the stoner, Despair (who I am really still waiting to see again), hell even the psychiatrist, but I have only seen them ONCE and I am really missing some minor character consistency. Maybe I just haven't read far enough yet. I'll keep going.
Anyhoo, this was a really gripping chapter that made my heart beat quick and wouldn't make it easy on me to pull my eyes away to write the review. Job well done on your part. I loved it. And loved seeing Eric's "good" side as I said above.
| Infected Beliefs 5/15/13 . chapter 6
[Every demon I've encountered smells like smoke or sulfur. It's the odor of hell's gate shitting another minion out into the world.] - I love your descriptions. They are so...crude? Maybe? Descriptively humerus? Darkly cynical? I'm not sure how to put it. Maybe I am trying to say that I love how much you stick to Eric's personality with the voice of your narration. Yeah, that sounds better. That's what I meant.
I forget how many years Eric has been seeing this shit, but it is quite a few if I remember right. I realize that it is scary stuff he is seeing, but wouldn't he get used to it after a while? I mean, at the rate he sees weird stuff (a few times a day judging by the chapters so far) wouldn't he have become somewhat desensitized to it by now? Especially when nothing has physically happened to him in all this time? I am still trying to decide if he is actually crazy or seeing real stuff the rest of us can't, or maybe a bit of both (I seem to remember you saying something in a PM or somewhere that the demons and whatnot are actually real, just only he can see them. Which I guess brings up the point of what IS real: what we perceive or what others perceive, but now I am getting off topic). But anyway, back to what I was saying, I guess it just feels strange to me that he is so terrified every time a new hallucination appears, unless that fear is an irrational phobia that he can't seem to control, like Johnny in House of Leaves. I'm rambling, I'm sorry.
Ah shit just hit the fan.
[I climb that fence as fast as a drug mule running from the cops.] - I've said it before but I'll say it again, I love your similes. Absolutely love them. They make me smile every time.
I could praise everything, but let me focus in on your pacing, which is fantastic. Of course, your sentences get shorter as the action picks up and longer as the pacing slows, but it is more than that. If I squint to the point of not being able to read the letters and then scroll through the chapter really fast, I can still make out the pacing as even your paragraphs get shorter and more abrupt. You have two semi-climaxes here - both times when he fires the gun - and you can clearly see that without ever reading the words. It is really fantastic.
I am sorry to cut this review a little short but I am anxious to see what a normal person's reaction will be after crashing their car because of seeing Eric shoeless, dirty, soaking wet, and waving a gun around.
| Infected Beliefs 5/15/13 . chapter 5
Ugh, why are shitty pieces so much easier to review than spectacular ones? Curse the games, I should just print out all your chapters, staple them together, put them in a binder, and read them while I am on the train like I do with the rest of the books I can't put down.
[Snooki, I swear to fucking God, if you don't shut the fuck up…] - Ahaha, more people should say this (I mean, a fair amount of people do...but the more the better).
[Something stirs in the bushes next to me. I jump, drop both the phone and container, then scream.] - Pussy lol. I laughed, imagining a cartoonish exclamation of horror. I almost expected a little bunny or somesuch to hop out into his line of fire...but maybe that is just the mindset I am in right now. [Probably laughing at how you scream like a girl.] - Yup
Stoner jokes, I love it. I am definitely high enough to appreciate this right now. But man, Eric's cynicism stays strong as ever. Gotta hand him (or you I guess) his characterization; he does not miss a beat. It makes me wonder why he doesn't have more friends. Probably cause he's obsessed with dicks and trippin balls 24-7. But that's just a hunch. Or maybe just because he seems to have a general distaste for people...that could be too.
[It's been almost a week since we've talked.] - Wait wait wait wait...I thought he lived with his mother? Was that just when he first started having the hallucinations? Does he live on his own now? If so...is that safe (I mean, I kinda don't feel it's safe for him to be driving but...)?
[He looks like someone told him 4:20 was cancelled.] - Made me giggle.
I absolutely love the stoner character from this chapter. I'm not expecting to see him again, but it was a helarious bit of comedic relief (not that the story needs it considering the entire thing is comedic relief). But he was well designed/constructed and not just some flat character used to forward the plot. Through him, we can see just how on the edge and, lets face it, dangerous Eric is in a way that doesn't get Eric in trouble, and really doesn't even put the guy off (maybe he was just too stoned to realize the implications of having a gun to his forehead). I did think it was a little suspect that he offered to give Eric a ride after Eric pulled the gun on him, and then even seemed disappointed when Eric declined. I've known a lot of people to smoke a lot of weed and none of them would have invited someone who pulled a gun back into their vehicle...but I guess the world (of fiction) is filled with all sorts of people.
Never mind, maybe we will see him again! That makes me happy.
| m r s . w r i t i n g 5/13/13 . chapter 1
I like that this story is being told in first person, but that it still feels like third person almost. I believe that there are a lot of downsides to first person, like only seeing through the MC's eyes. I think it is an excellent execution and rarely can an author reap the benefits of third person but also be writing in first person.
I saw something, though. I think it might be a typo, or I misread it. "wonder goes through a person's..." Is that supposed to be, "wonder [what] goes through a person's..." ?
Nice use of vocabulary. I was like, "Cognizant!? What's that!?" You learn something new, every day. : )
"She said, "Maybe we'll finally figure out why you're a total nutjob, Eric," and proceeded to pat me on the knee, laughing." I LOVE this line. As a student of psychology, I can appreciate that.
Someone referred to my writing style once as "unflowery." I prefer the term "dry witted." I'm just an extremely blunt writer sometimes, so I definitely admire your characters blunt and dry personality. Example: "Yeah, that definitely put a damper on my plans to masturbate."
| lookingwest 5/13/13 . chapter 27
This was another great chapter so I'm not quite sure where to begin, but I think I will try just answering the main question of whether or not it dragged with a big fat no. I think it's good to have these more introspective chapters for Eric to reflect, I think his character is developed so wonderfully and I like seeing how you take him from the Eric in the first chapter to the Eric now. At the same time actually, I just kind of noticed that I think for awhile now Eric has been coming off pretty sane. Especially when he's around Sam and Ashley, even during that party - all that stuff that happened with Zed was trippy, but it wasn't stuff that was happening necessarily in his own head without any outside influence, so I think seeing Eric here is particularly troubling because he feels like he's so close to a mental break.
As I expected when you were describing this opening to me about the fingers, this was pretty awful and I thought you did an excellent job with your descriptions. You do a good job making the psychological seem really real and like it's actually happening - especially opening with those throw-up fingers. I think this is the first time we also see Eric not only going mentally ill, but also physically ill too, and that makes sense considering what happens next when he discovers the severed heads. I like how you break up the narrative a bit by using smaller sentences to emphasize the details of what he sees when he's walking out to his car, and then even later when he does discover the heads and he's trying to make them go away by closing the trunk and re-opening it.
I liked the more casual bit before he goes to his car when he's at the gas station too. I thought that was portrayed very realistically and I liked his thought process - you did a good job adding in the regret about yelling at his psychiatrist too, and that makes it feel a lot more realistic considering his outburst. Or well - I shouldn't say realistic, but it sounds more like Eric, I think. Truer to his character. I also like how he thinks about involving Ashley and seems okay with it, but then at the end he's not okay with it.
The cop dying is pretty scary and something I actually didn't think would happen. I thought the heads might disappear even up to the point when the cop was looking in the trunk, so it was a twist in this story when they were still there and Eric had another time-panic. I like that you don't give him that relief-ending in this chapter, but it also complicates a lot and also complicates his character (in a good way) because now he's actually responsible for killing someone. I think it was still kind of an accident - I mean, he didn't know 100% that anything would happen if he moved him, but he did have an inclination judging by the squirrel in the past (which, by the way, great use of plot-detail bringing that back in), but Eric still killed that cop. It's sad and I think we will see the psychological effects that might bring to the surface in the next chapter, especially judging how you'll decide to format his next narrative. I look forward to seeing how that's handled.
There were some great lines in here, per always. Loved the screaming like a little girl line, and I liked the lines when Eric brought in the idea of Zed and how Zed is out to get him - the last inner-thought by you-know-who in his head was particularly striking. I officially hope Eric doesn't get Ashley involved because this has now gotten out of control, I think. I'm curious to see how these timeline things work though, since the party seems to have split into two different options, and with the discovery of the severed heads that might complicate things. OH. And that scene with Zed and Eric when he's killing those kids, AHHH, that was terrifying and really well done. God, poor Eric. I still love 'em but he's gotten himself into such a bad mess! I can't wait to see how you spiral him down into madness with the next few chapters, especially knowing there might be some HoL influence in there. You're really balancing your influences well with this story and it's coming across great. Can't wait for more! :D Update soon! Srsly! Do it! Now!
| Infected Beliefs 5/13/13 . chapter 4
Oh shit; a knife a gun and an caustic kid suffering hallucinations...this sounds like it will be bad (or good, depending on where you stand). Still **sniff sniff** I smell trouble brewing. To be honest, what with all of the visions, I can't believe he managed to stay on the road or didn't jerk the wheel to the side or something in panic. I was waiting for it through the whole sequence and when you have [SCREEEEEEEEECH—WHUMP—THWACK!] and [Bang! Bang!] I just naturally assumed that it was his car committing suicide against a tree or somesuch. Although I kind of get the impression that was the implication you were aiming for.
I loved the dialogue of Eric arguing with Dave: ["That's five wrong words, Dave. You're fucking done!"] Witty and convincing, as most of your dialogue is. And helarious, of course. A real joy to read.
Down in the vision though, I was sort of surprised, off-put you could say. Normally I am completely immersed in your writing, but when you switched to second person...I don't know, it just sort of made me pause and step back for a second. The writing was fine of course, but it really pulled me out of the story and I couldn't figure out for the life of me why you did it, when you could just have easily continued in first person and made it that much more disconcerting for the reader. It almost felt like you decided to just try an exercise in writing 2nd person perspective in the middle of the chapter. Ho hum, two cents.
Great writing as always!
| Dreamers-Requiem 5/12/13 . chapter 5
You do a brilliant job of drawing his hallucinations into the story, but not breaking the overall flow. It works nicely, brings a great touch, and I really like how, as a reader, we can tell it’s stoner guy even when Eric can’t. Great character building throughout, some really nice details in there, and I like how he actually seems happy about the idea of a friend, despite his apparent dislike of the guy. It gives a deeper insight into his character. As always, really strong voice, great style, and I’m very much enjoying reading this.
| thenutrunningthenuthouse 5/11/13 . chapter 27
[Dave, if you jump out at me I swear to God I'm gonna scream like a little girl at a Justin Beiber concert.] - love this line. also, hah, if you wanna be accurate, it's Bieber...(don't ask why I know this)
Anyway, this chapter. Hmm, I wouldn't exactly say it dragged, but I guess I'm just ready for some more action. I suppose I prefer chapters where Eric has a lot of interactions with other people, not just police officers whom he blows up. XD
But, scene-by-scene, here's my feelings:
The introduction had this really strong tone to it, and I think it really showed the extent of talent you have with description. I just...ugh, I felt gross reading about Eric and his hallucination. Just-ugh, that sounds about one of the worst feelings, and the finger image would just make it worse. Then, hah, when we got back into the real world, I just thought that Monster and cigs don't seem like the right remedy for...stress vomit? Hah, but all to his own, and if it works for Eric, that's great. So, great job setting up the feeling for this chapter. Honestly, I'm still getting that gross feeling off writing this review, although I may just be tired and high strung from too much schoolwork.
The severed heads scene. Okay, my absolute first impression was to conjure up images from Tropic Thunder when Ben Stiller's character picks up the severed head of his director thinking his head was a movie prop and licked the gore still attached to the head. It was disgusting, but the head was comically fake, and so of course, I temporarily thought of three Tropic Thunder style heads. Then uh...then I realized that this was a serious moment and shit! Did this really happen? Did he seriously saw their heads off? That's so badass! How did he not freaking notice that there were severed heads and bodily insides in his car? What a distracted dude. But, hah, poor guy - he's had a hard day. (Also, we seriously work on some crazy wavelength - in my current book, someone just died via decapitation, but mine was a "clean through the bone" cozy-ish mystery decapitation that was made with a fictional creature with the bite power of 4,000 psi [crocs have 3,800 psi to compare])
The cop scene. Well, there's that stopping time thing again! Honestly, I worried for ol' Eric, thought he was definitely gonna get caught with erm...heads in the back of his car. (and, at this very moment, I remember one of the episodes of Detective Conan, my favorite old Japanese murder mystery series in which a girl is kidnapped and finds a severed head in guys' trunk - it was a movie prop, but it freaked me out until they confirmed) Oh Eric, if only saying one had to take a crap could get you out of tickets. What a douchebag, preventing innocent citizens from performing bodily functions! I suppose that is his karma - blowing up.
... It's a good thing Eric's already crazy - seeing this much innards damage could mess someone up. He could be an ER trauma doctor he's probably so desensitized to it.
To answer Eric's rhetorical question, I'd say Zed's worse. I mean, I don't think his mom would eat him.
Great chapter! I wrote a nice, long review, didn't I? Whaddya know? See ya next time!
| VelvetyCheerio 5/11/13 . chapter 27
Well, I mean, Eric didn't mean to kill anyone that time. Ugh. Ughughugh. x-x LOL, I really didn't like imagining that popping noise because it reminded me off all the times a cockroach crawls into the microwave and then you turn it on and the stupid little insect explodes in a tiny crack of heat and light. That is exactly what I imagined that officer looked like exploding. Ughbluuh *vomits*
How is Eric going to get out of this? Like before, all that stuff, that was nothing, haha. Even the trio that went missing, nah. Even though they were dead, they were "out there", missing. But now people are dying. Bodies are showing up for real. This isn't haha, you're hallucinating again, Eric. This is, holy shit, Eric, we're getting you a fake ID and sending you to Russia. I'm just exhausted, lol. You know what I really hate though? That I have to wait for each chapter. XD I swear if this were published, it would be a book I couldn't put down til the end, because some crazy shit is going down and every time I have to wait, I go a little bit more insane.
I NEED THE WHOLE STORY IT'S EATING ME FROM THE INSIDE.
Ahem. Now how about I talk about the rest of the chapter, hmm? xD Fuck, you open with some disgusting visuals. Throwing up something that smells like rot and has the consistency of diarrhea? Oh God, I just hate that I can imagine what that would feel like. I don't even want to continue at this point. Really. ._. And then fingers. x_x Zed is the assiest of assholes. I feel so bad for Eric now. No one is even helping him. Like, it would be one thing if he had like, divine friends trying to protect him, but he's screwed. All he has is human friends who could die if they get involved.
[Dave, if you jump out at me I swear to God I'm gonna scream like a little girl at a Justin Beiber concert.] LOL
But it's so sad cause it's not even Dave. T_T I feel like if Dave were a real body, this would be so much easier. I bet it was Zed. OMG. What if it was Zed? What if Zed was hiding in the bushes, what if he knew this whole time? What if he's decapitating Dr. Nelson right now? Holy crap, I am actually panicking right now because that is a terrifying thought. What if he is right there, so close to Eric, just aahh!
It would make sense though, right? With the vision? o_o I am freaking myself out right now, ahaha... ;-; What if Zed was feasting on Dr. Nelson and some weird blood thirst vision connection thing happened and T_T Eric.
And then the cop. The cooop. The fucking police officer. Uuuuugh. Why do these things happen to you, Eric? Why can't it all be some bad sushi acid trip, I don't know. Aah, man. What is he gonna do? He thinks the cops are bad? What about Maxwell?
Okay. Well. Nothing dragged. Everything was just scary and unfortunate for poor Eric. I'd ask for another chapter right meow, but my heart might fail. xD Awesome work, though!
| Faithless Juliet 5/9/13 . chapter 25
I really liked how you unraveled Tate’s ‘other side’ – I’m not sure if you would call it a new version of Tate, i.e. he had never used before and now he is. Or if it’s just something that Eric did not notice before. You don’t leave this open ended, but I thought it was strong that you didn’t have Eric flat out ask how long he had been using. You do a good job at isolating Eric in those moments.
One side of me likes the fact that it was Eric’s mom who came and got/arrested him, but the other half of me does not. I think emotionally Eric might have had a bad encounter with anyone else, and obviously being his mother she’ll be a bit gentler than normal standard operating procedures, but I’m thinking that that would be against protocol. I have no idea what the normal routine for that would be, but it seems like law enforcement would have some code involving that situation. Your emotional connect could compromise the investigation, or something to that effect.
Tate doesn’t exist! OMG what a shocker, I really did not see that one coming. I’m completely on board with believing that Stacy does not exist, and is in fact a figment of Eric’s imagination, but Tate? This throws my theory out the window, I think… Ultimately I really was shocked. I loved all of these little twists and turns. I also noticed how you hinted that the physiatrist died young. I still hold to my original believe that Eric may have killed her, as well, but I just don’t know. I really wish I was reading this all the way through so that I could catch all the little things and put the pieces together.
At this point I don’t think Tate’s a demon, I lean more toward the Eric is crazy side. I say that because I haven’t really seen anyone else encounter anything paranormal – until Ashley took the photo THIS chapter, so I’m not concrete on that assumption, but I’d be okay with either one. I do think the story will be more satisfying if he does turn out to be crazy, rather than demonic activity, but I’m sure everyone will have a different opinion on that. One thing that does bother me having read this, is why Ashley is so willing to help Eric. I get that she likes him, and she can identify because of her own mother’s past, but I really feel like the reader needs more to go on with her. I almost get the inkling that she’s an evil doer, simply because her motives are so mysterious to me, and she’s going out of her way to help Eric for very little reason. Keep up the good work.
| BananaPhobia 5/9/13 . chapter 4
Characters: I thought that I could really feel what Eric was experiencing. I like how that it's written from his perspective, and you can really understand how he is slowly going insane. Unlike most stories, this character is somewhat different than your regular average joe,which is a very interesting and rare thing to find in this type of story.
Writing: I thought that the writing itself was really amazing in some parts. However, you used lots of language in it, which got to the point where it kind of took away from the story. Try to see if you can use just a little less, so that there's more room for descriptive writing, which really makes a story complete.
Setting: I thought that the setting was very clear when he was driving by the swamp. I loved how you incorporated the music mixing in with the sound of the crickets chirping and the frogs croaking. It was a very intriguing connection, and was interesting to read.
Ending: The ending of this was acceptable, but I really wished you would have used a cliffhanger. I was waiting for something to happen, especially when he had the hot flash. Make sure the ending always makes your reader want to go on to the next chapter.