|Reviews for Our Time|
| AnnieAltman88 11/21/12 . chapter 4
Hey Sis! Sorry for the lateness but I owe you a review. Let me break it down for you chapter by chapter:
Your grammar, spelling, and syntax are all very good. You're great with establishing characters though you spend a lot of time on describing their heritages. I'm not sure if it's essential for the plot but it's a tad tedious-sounding.
And oh my goodness, Ginfuko's slight obsession with MNM reminds me of my (huge) obsession with One Direction.
You're wonderful with descriptions. Very eloquent and detailed. Just a tip though that I've found to be immensely helpful: show, don't tell. In other words, reduce those long paragraphs into shorter, more concise ones. Let your readers read between the lines. Their interest in your story will skyrocket ;)
The plot's moving at a good, steady pace. Not too rushed or slow :)
That's all I really have to say here. Sweet chapter.
Awesome. The romance is developing pretty nicely. Have you ever considered breaking your paragraphs by separating your quotations?
For example, rather than:
"You mean about this whole mess? Well, I think I should clean this up. Hey. Isn't there a live show somewhere…?" "Ah, you mean the upcoming summer festival downtown? Yeah. That's tomorrow, Friday, why?" "There's gonna be the reporters for that event, right? There's the local media, right?" "Yeah…"
Break your quotations:
"You mean about this whole mess? Well, I think I should clean this up. Hey. Isn't there a live show somewhere...?"
"Ah, you mean the upcoming summer festival downtown? Yeah. That's tomorrow, Friday, why?"
"There's gonna be the reporters for that event, right? There's the local media, right?"
And you get where I'm going. It cleans up nicely and allows for less confusion on the reader's part (regarding who's saying what).
Overall, I really like your story! I love the plot (it reminds me of my daydreams about my favorite celebrities) and I'm sure countless other girls could relate. You're very talented and, again, I must express how impressed I am with your English (since it isn't your first language). I'm absoutely horrific at any language besides English xD
Good luck with the rest of your story! Sorry that I'm so late with posting this mega-review.
Your sis 3
| KatieMichelle 5/26/12 . chapter 4
Oh wow! It is kind of like Nicholas Sparks! But I only read a part of that one book because it was kind of hilarious - Dear John.
I'm joining the Army. I go to basic in October :D
| KatieMichelle 5/25/12 . chapter 3
Wow, you can sure write a lot o_0 It's insane!
Either way, the story was a great way for me to pass time in study hall. I get bored, haha.
Now that we're getting out of the intro and gaining depth rapidly, I'm excited for more progress. The story is enveloping! Keep it up!
Remember - we don't write for reviews. You're crafting a fine piece of literature, regardless of who says what about you!
| KatieMichelle 5/20/12 . chapter 1
Wow, this chapter was extreamily long! But I didn't want it to end! How sefish of me :p
Anyway, awesome ide. I'm excied to see where this will go. Update soon!