|Reviews for and then i scream|
| HOOHOO 5/22/12 . chapter 1
| Small Wings Flying 5/22/12 . chapter 1
Or maybe we’ll be too busy laughing in amusement. :) But I’ll be nice and leave a review. But no cookies – they’ll have milk in them probably and I’m lactose intolerant.
Anyway, your poem. Why are all your i’s not capitalised? If it’s because of the “babbling part”, then you’re punctuation speaks against that (oh my goodness, did those words seriously come out of my mouth?) You’ve used commas and fullstops, and babbling’s generally seen as without pause. On that note, you’ve left out question marks for one, so your punctuation isn’t really doing anything either way. No hovering in the middle here dear. One or the other.
I like the context of your poem, but to be honest your style is extremely distracting. Include the stanza with what I’ve said above, and I’m having trouble putting it all together. It’s somewhere between blabbing and a coherent poem. If you wanted to emphasise that point, scrap the commas and fullstops. Goodness knows how many poems do that anyway. If you’re trying to make it poetic, use capitals where they’re due and punctuations aside from the general. As it is, you’ve used them some places and not others so they don’t really do anything. It might represent confusing, but you’ve repeated the word blabbing too many times for that to sit with me.
I like death poems for some reason.